


Somewhere Else

by IvanW



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Relationships, Broken Hearts, Drug Use, Jealousy, M/M, Pining, Possessive Behavior, Romance, Slow Build, T'hy'la, Unrequited Love, Vulcan Raised Jim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-14
Updated: 2015-04-14
Packaged: 2018-02-21 04:33:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 26,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2454887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim and Spock were raised together as children on Vulcan when Jim was rescued from Tarsus.<br/>But when Spock marries another, Jim makes the diffcult decision to return to Earth and join Starfleet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Jim Kirk hurried through the park on Verdana IV. He wasn’t even sure where he was headed. He just had to get away. He couldn’t breathe. His chest was constricted, his heart was torn in two. How was he functioning?

He spotted a bench by a pond where native birds to Verdana swam. It was as good as any place to drown his sorrows.

Jim sat, adjusting the traditional Vulcan robes he wore so he wouldn’t ruin them or worse wrinkle them. He’d never hear the end of that. He reached into the inside pocket and withdrew a flask.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

Jim looked to the right, startled. “Amanda.” He put the flask back in the pocket.

She smiled warmly, and with more than a bit of sympathy, and came to sit beside him. Her head scarf was a particularly gorgeous shade of turquoise.

“How’d you know where to find me?”

“After all this time, I know you pretty well. And you are easy to follow.” She reached for his hand, held it. “You’re all over the place today. What’s going on?”

Jim closed his eyes and leaned against her. “How do you even put up with me?”

“Put up with you?”

“Did you realize when you rescued me as a kid stuck on Tarsus you’d never get rid of me?”

Amanda laughed. “We didn’t want to get rid of you. None of us.”

“Even Sarek?”

“Even him. You are our family, Jim. That’s never going to change for any of us.”

He swallowed heavily. And therein lay the problem. It was Spock’s wedding day. Bonding. Wedding. All at the same time. Jim was supposed to stand by his side, like a best man, like a brother, but he had no brotherly feels toward Spock. He was desperately, achingly in love with the stupid Vulcan. He’d grown up with Spock, shared almost everything with him. Except the one thing Jim wanted above all else. Spock’s heart.

“Why isn’t the ceremony happening on Vulcan, anyway?” Jim muttered, though he knew the answer. It would be easier to be at home. Home where he could hide in their house.

“Because Spock and Nyota plan to have their honeymoon on Verdana, as you know,” Amanda said gently. “We’ll return to Vulcan in the morning.”

“Spock won’t.”

“No. But you, me, and Sarek will.” She squeezed his hand. “What is it?”

“Nothing.”

“You had tears in your eyes, honey. It isn’t nothing.”

Jim straightened from her and wiped at his eyes. “I’m just an idiot.”

“You are not.”

“I don’t know how to tell you,” Jim admitted, looking away from her.

“Just telling the truth is the simplest way.”

“I love your son,” he blurted out.

“Well, of course—”

“No. I mean, I am in love with him.”

“I know.”

He turned to look at her, surprised. “You knew?”

She sighed. “I suspected that might be the case. You aren’t very subtle, Jim. Ever since Spock started planning this I’ve noticed a change in you. You aren’t the bright, cheerful Jim I’ve known almost his whole life.”

“I only figured it out six months ago when they announced their engagement. Well, a little before that when he started seeing her.” Jim shook his head. “God, I’m fucked.” Then he looked at Amanda. “Sorry.”

Her smile was unbearably gentle. “Why didn’t you say anything to Spock?”

“What could I say? I’m gay, he’s not. I just…I want him to be happy more than anything.” Jim swallowed. “And that’s…that’s obviously not with me. There’s no way I could have said something. I thought I could do this, Amanda, I really did. But it’s killing me.”

“Awe, sweetie, I’m so sorry.” She put her arms around him and held him close. “I don’t know what to say.”

“I know,” he whispered. “I have to get it together. The ceremony’s in two hours.”

Amanda gave him a squeeze and then abruptly released him and stood.

“Why is Jim crying, Mother?” he heard Spock ask.

_Oh, shit_.

Jim wiped at his eyes frantically, facing away from them both.

Amanda didn’t say anything to Spock that he could hear, but Jim was aware of her walking away and leaving them alone.

“Why are you crying?”

“I’m not,” Jim insisted. “Why are you here? You should be getting ready.”

“Father said you left and that Mother came after you. Are you ill?”

“No.”

Spock studied him, his dark eyes assessing. “You are upset. Will you tell me why?”

“You know I’ve been thinking.”

Spock sat next to him.

“When this is all over, I’m going to go to Earth and join Starfleet.”

“What? But you have already been accepted by the Vulcan Science Academy.”

“They don’t really want me. They just couldn’t turn me down because of my academic grades.”

Spock shook his head. “I do not want you to leave Vulcan.”

“It’s for the best.”

“Not to me. Why, Jim? You have never mentioned a desire to leave before. Not to me. Not to Mother.”

“I’ve changed my mind. Look, it’s no big deal. You won’t need me around anyway.”

“I do need you.”

Jim laughed without mirth. “No, you don’t. You’ll have…your wife. Your mate. And probably children, too.”

He stood then, feeling so agitated, so distraught he couldn’t even sit still.

“I do not understand,” Spock said simply. “Why are you so determined to leave?”

“Because I can’t do this, Spock. It’s tearing me apart.”

“What is? Whatever is hurting you, you have but to tell me and I will fix it.”

Jim shook his head. “You can’t fix this. I love you, Spock. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but it has. And I can’t be there with you every day when…when I’m like this. I wasn’t going to be this selfish, I wasn’t.”

“Jim—”

“I’ve got to go,” Jim whispered. “I’ve got to get out of here now. I’m sorry, Spock. I’m sorry.”

And he hurried away. Spock did not stop him.


	2. Chapter 2

Cool fingers touched his forehead from behind. Jim knew who it was without turning around.

“Your mind is disordered,” Sarek said.

“Yes.”

Sarek came around Jim to face him. Jim stood in the building on Verdana IV where the shuttles departed. One would be departing for Vulcan in less than an hour.

“Perhaps meditation.”

“I tried, it didn’t help.”

“What has caused such discord in you, James? Tell me.”

“That would be unwise, Sarek.”

“You used to call me Sa-mekh,” Sarek said. “Am I no longer your Sa-mekh?”

Jim clenched his eyes against the prick of tears. His rubbed the ache in his chest. “No, you are still my Sa-mekh.”

“When you first came to us you fell in the sand and scraped your knee. Do you recall?”

“Yes,” Jim whispered.

“You were very brave. The cut on your knee bled and it must have hurt for you had bits of sand in the wound. You wanted to cry. I saw it. But you did not want to cry in front of me.”

Jim smiled a little. “You picked me up as though I weighed nothing.”

“You did not weigh much. You were skin and bones. Your bottom lip quivered as you attempted to hold your emotions in,” Sarek said, his voice soft.

“And you told me that you did not forbid crying.” Jim nodded. “I sobbed all over your shirt and got it all wet.”

“Indeed. I still do not forbid crying, James. I do not ask that you be something you are not.”

Jim shook his head. “If I give in, I may not stop.”

“It is Spock, is it not?”

“Does everyone know?”

Sarek studied him. “You are our son. Not by birth but by circumstances. Do you expect we would not know you?”

“I don’t think I can be at the ceremony,” Jim said. “I’m going back to Vulcan.”

“I suspected that was your plan when I found you here.”

“You want to talk me out of it?”

Sarek shook his head. “I will not. I would never force you to do that which you are incapable of doing, James.”

“You’re too good to me,” Jim said, exhaling slowly. It didn’t ease the ache, not even a little. “I should put aside this and be there. For Spock.”

“Spock would wish you to do what is more comfortable for you. He will not judge you lacking.”

And that was true, too. Damn, they really were all too good to him. No wonder he loved them so. It would be difficult to leave them.

“I plan to go to Earth. To join Starfleet.”

Sarek appeared to consider it before he nodded. “I see.”

“I’ve disappointed you?”

“To be disappointed in your choice would be illogical, James. The choice for your life path is yours.”

Jim studied the line for the shuttle that was forming to the right of them. Funny how the building had been crowded with passengers but yet Jim had never felt so alone.

“You encouraged the Vulcan Science Academy.”

“You have a gifted intelligence. I merely suggested it was a logical place for your brilliant mind.”

“I don’t want to leave,” Jim said, biting his lip. “Vulcan is my home.”

“And it will remain so, always. As we will remain your family. I understand your choice and your reasons, my son.”

“Thank you, Sa-mekh.”

Sarek raised his hand in the ta’al and Jim did the same.

“You will remain on Vulcan until we return,” Sarek said, and it was definitely not a question, but a demand.

“I will.”

“Live long and prosper.”

“Live long and prosper.”

Jim made his way to the line for the shuttle to Vulcan even as Sarek turned and left to attend Spock’s wedding.

The shuttle to Vulcan was less than two hours but as he rode it, Jim could not help but think about the fact Spock was probably already married to Nyota when it landed. And bonded. He could not forget the all-important bond. Even Jim, human that he was, had a family bond with Sarek, Amanda, and Spock. It didn’t work that well from his end or Amanda’s, being the humans they were, but the comfort, the connection between all of them was there.

His legs felt a bit like jelly when he departed the shuttle but just being home on Vulcan eased his pain just a little. He really did feel at home here, even if not all Vulcans accepted him. Many did, however, and it was enough for him.

Jim made his way to their house in a bit of a daze. Spock was married. _Spock was married._ Spock was bonded _. Spock was bonded._

He changed out of the Vulcan robes and into dark trousers and one of Spock’s sweaters, perhaps too much of an indulgence but there was no one there to comment on it, and made himself tea.

This was the house where he’d spent the better part of his life. Where he’d grown up with Spock. And fell in love.

It hadn’t been easy at first. No one wanted to accept him at school. Spock had protected him, and, eventually it had gotten better.

Jim picked up his PADD and turned it on. He started investigating Starfleet Academy when it switched over with a message from Amanda.

“Hi,” he greeted her at once.

She greeted him with her gentle smile that she seemed to save for him. “How are you holding up, honey?”

“Better than before. I’m sorry I bailed.”

“I understood. We all did.”

He nodded, pushing back the urge to cry. “Everything over?”

“Yes. They are married.” She hesitated. “They didn’t get bonded though.”

It took a moment, one where he thought his heart would surely shred right there in his chest, for her words to sink in. Her other words.

“Wait, what? They didn’t bond?”

“No. The high priestess said something was blocking it. We’re not sure what. They’ll try to figure it out when Spock and Nyota return to Vulcan, I suppose. So, it was only the human marriage.”

 _Only_.

 _Only_.

 _Only_.      

“Jim,” Amanda said, her eyes sad. “I’m truly so sorry.”

“No, don’t be. This-this is a happy occasion. You should be celebrating with them.”

Of course, he had his answer, Jim knew, even if he doubted it before. Spock even knowing how Jim felt had married Nyota anyway. Spock didn’t love him. Not that way. And Jim would have to accept that and move on. From this…from Spock.

“I wanted to check on you. Sarek said he saw you off.”

“He did.”

“He told me you want to join Starfleet.”

Jim nodded. “I think it’s for the best. Right now.”

Amanda bit her lip. “If that’s what you want, Jim. You know I’ll support you.”

“It is.”

“My family is still on Earth. I’ll make sure they check on you.”

Jim smiled. “I love you, you know.”

“I love you too.”

“Go back to the reception, okay? I’ll be fine.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I’m positive. I’m reading up on Starfleet right now.”

She nodded. “Okay. We’ll see you at home tomorrow.”

“Goodnight.” And he switched back to Starfleet’s page. But then after a moment’s hesitation, he switched back to his text message page.

Under Spock’s name he typed,

_Congratulations to you and Nyota. I hope you will be very happy. Peace and long life._


	3. Chapter 3

“You don’t have to be in such a hurry,” Amanda said to Jim as she watched him packing in his room. “The first semester doesn’t even begin for several weeks.”

“I know, but I want to get all settled in first.” Plus he wanted to be gone before Spock and Nyota returned to Vulcan. They both knew that, even if they carefully avoided that subject.

She came over to his dresser and removed several items and took them to his suitcase. She peered inside. “Isn’t that Spock's sweater?”

Jim could feel himself blush. “Um, yeah. It’s really soft and I’ve always liked it.” He didn’t want to take it out. He hoped she wouldn’t make him.

Amanda smiled and touched his face gently. “It is a lovely sweater. I’m certain Spock won’t mind if you take it.”

“Thanks,” he mumbled, turning away. The truth was he’d already packed three of Spock’s sweaters. They smelled of him and…and San Francisco was supposed to be much cooler than Vulcan.

“If you had given me more notice I could have made you more sweaters to take.”

Jim smiled and shook his head. “You already made me one and I have the others you made me before. I’ll be wearing my uniform most of the time anyway.”

“I suppose that’s true. Now don’t forget Christopher Pike will meet you at the shuttle station.”

“Okay.”

“He’s an old family friend and he said you could stay with him until you get your dorm at the academy.”

“Okay.”

“Be sure and eat regular meals.”

His smile widened. “Okay.”

“And watch your allergies. You aren’t used to most Earth dishes.”

“Okay,” Jim agreed.

“And we want regular contact, both Sarek and me.”

“Okay.”

“And make sure you do all your studies before you go out with friends.”

“Okay.”

She looked at him. “You are mocking me.”

He laughed. “No, really. You’re just…you’re really amazing, you know?”

Her eyes got watery and she wiped at them impatiently. “I hate that you’re leaving.”

“God, now you’re gonna get me going.” He hugged her tight. “It’ll be okay. I’ll be okay.”

“Well, I never doubted that for a minute. I’m the one who will fall apart.” She pulled back from him. “If you hate it, you’ll come back, right?”

“Of course.” He wouldn’t. He knew he was lying, but he said what he knew she wanted to hear. He closed up his suitcase. “I think that’s everything.”

Amanda tried a smile but Jim could see it was difficult. “He’s going to be upset, you know.”

Jim shook his head. “No. He’ll be happy. Well as happy as he ever is. He’ll be married and everything.” He was proud he could say married without gagging on the word.

Jim remembered the day he met Nyota Uhura. Her father had been assigned as the Earth ambassador to Vulcan. He hadn’t known then she would so blatantly pursue Spock. She had though.

“Oh, wait,” Jim said, as he thought of something. He walked over to his dresser and opened the bottom drawer and removed the holo pic he’d stuffed there a while back.

Amanda came up behind him to look.

It was a picture of him, Sam, his mom, and stepfather, Frank, when they’d first arrived on Tarsus. It was supposed to be a new start for them all. Too bad the only one who had come out alive had been Jim.

He’d become one of the Tarsus Orphans, as they had been known. And Amanda had advised Sarek she wanted them to adopt one. Jim had been very fortunate, indeed, they’d chosen Jim to adopt.

“You were a beautiful family,” Amanda said quietly.

“She really tried, my mom. But Tarsus…it was an awful place.” He turned away and reopened his suitcase to stuff the picture inside, then he re-zipped it. He’d already added a picture of him with Amanda, Sarek, and Spock taken during a family trip to Nydron II three years ago. Sarek and Spock had, of course, declared memorial holo photographs as being completely illogical, but they’d stood stoically beside Jim and Amanda for it anyway.

They walked out of his room and as Amanda turned off the light he heard her sniffle.

****

“Jim!”

Jim turned just as he was about to go into the shuttle hangar. He’d said goodbye to Sarek and Amanda at home. He’d insisted they not accompany him to the shuttle.

“Hey, Stonn,” he greeted his friend.

Stonn, a particularly tall Vulcan, who once started out as an enemy, stopped before him. “I stopped by your home and your parents said you were departing. You are leaving without saying goodbye.”

“Sorry. I didn’t really want to do a lot of painful partings. And I’m not leaving forever. I’ll come back during breaks.” Or Jim thought he would. If he could handle it.

Stonn nodded. “Even still. I wished to see you off. T’Pring would have come as well but her mother is unwell.”

T’Pring was Stonn’s bondmate. They’d all gone to school together, though Stonn and T’Pring were Spock’s age and a couple of years ahead of Jim.

“I’m sorry about her mother. Give her my best?”

“I will. Starfleet is unworthy of your intelligence, Jim. You are more suited to the Vulcan Science Academy.”

“I would have liked to attend if only because you’re there.”

Stonn stared at him silently for a moment, then shook his head. “Spock is a fool.”

Jim really hated being so transparent. “I’m sure he chose what he thought was best and most logical.”

Stonn said nothing to that and raised his hand in the ta’al. “Live long and prosper, Jim.”

Jim raised his hand. “Live long and prosper, Stonn.”

Jim was one of only a few passengers on the shuttle leaving from Vulcan. Not many Vulcans enjoyed traveling, and even fewer were interested in traveling to Earth. Some did for business, few ever did for pleasure. Jim smiled to himself thinking of Vulcans doing anything for pleasure’s sake.

As the shuttle took off he sent a message to Spock.

 _Hey, Spock. Hope you and Nyota are doing well. I’m on the shuttle to Earth. I submitted my application to Starfleet Academy and was accepted, so I withdrew my submission to the Vulcan Science Academy. They weren’t pleased. Said something about agreeing to accept a human had been a big step for them and I was ungrateful. Anyway, just wanted you to know, so you won’t be surprised when I’m not home. Jim._


	4. Chapter 4

A few minutes before the shuttle was scheduled to land in San Francisco, Jim’s PADD beeped that he had a message. He suspected it was from Spock and he almost ignored it in favor of reading it much later. But curiosity got the better of him and he looked at it.

_Greetings, Jim. I trust this message finds you well. While I have no doubt you believed your choice to depart so quickly was logical I find myself unaccustomed to your haste in this matter. It was my intention to further discuss your options with you when I had returned to Vulcan. It would seem, however, your decision has made my intentions moot. Your well wishes are appreciated. When you are settled on Earth, I expect to receive word. Spock._

Jim bit his lip. To the casual observer, one who didn’t know Spock, his message would seem unerringly polite. But Jim, who did know Spock, recognized the irritation behind the words. He shook his head and put his PADD in the bag he was carrying. He hadn’t expected Spock to beg him to come home or anything, but still…he couldn’t help but be vaguely disappointed.

The shuttle landed and Jim walked down the ramp with the other passengers. A man, somewhere in his forties Jim guessed, almost immediately approached him.

“Jim Kirk?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I knew it. You look just like your dad. I’m Christopher Pike.” Pike thrust his hand out at Jim as though to shake hands.

Jim merely stared at the outstretched hand silently. Then he shook his head. Things were done differently here. He raised his hand.

But Pike was already lowering his. “I’m sorry, that was totally thoughtless of me.” He smiled. “They don’t shake hands on Vulcan, do they?”

“No, sir, they don’t. But it’s all right. I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“No, it’s not all right, Jim. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. And call me Chris. None of that ‘sir’ crap. At least before you’re officially in Starfleet.” Pike reached for the heavier of the two bags Jim carried. “Let me help you with that.”

“That’s not necessary,” Jim protested, but Pike had already taken it from his hand.

“Come on, Jim, it’s this way.”

He followed Chris Pike out of the shuttle bay and to the street where a hover car was waiting.

“Your mom told me all about you,” Pike said. “Amanda,” he added at Jim’s questioning look.

“She’s great. I hope she didn’t bother you too much. She’s a little protective.”

“Totally understandable. Get in.”

Jim got inside and glanced around. “I’ve never ridden in one of these before.”

“Don’t have them on Vulcan, huh?”

“No. Nor any of the other planets I’ve been to.”

“I’ll teach you to drive one, one of these days.”

Jim smiled. “I’d really appreciate that, sir.”

“Chris.”

The trip to Pike’s high rise apartment was a short one. Less than ten minutes and Pike pulled into an underground structure. Jim followed him to a lift and they got off on the tenth floor.

“This will be your home base until your semester starts at the academy,” Pike explained. “I’m gone most of the time, but you can feel free to make yourself at home.”

“Thank you.”

Pike swiped his identification across a scanner and the door to his apartment opened. “Your mom told me you’re a strict vegetarian.”

“Vegan, yes.”

Pike smiled. “She provided me a list of your favorite Vulcan dishes and the ingredients. I tried to get what I could.”

Jim felt himself blush. “She shouldn’t have gone to so much trouble. I’m sorry.”

Pike waved this off. “It was no trouble. She gave me a list of your allergies also.”

“I have several,” Jim admitted.

“So I understand. A product of the genetic engineering they tried on Tarsus.”

“Pretty much. It didn’t really work, though.”

“Kodos was into eugenics, wasn’t he?”

“He was, yeah. That’s what I’ve been told, anyway. I don’t remember much of it, honestly. I was pretty young when I was adopted.”

Pike smiled again. “I also bought you several kinds of tea. Unless you’d prefer coffee?”

“No, sir. Um, Chris. I never acquired a taste for it. I prefer tea. I did bring some of my own blend my mother makes, but thank you for obtaining more.”

“You’re very polite,” Pike observed.

“That is generally an admirable quality. Is it not here on Earth?”

Pike laughed. “No, it is. Just most of the kids your age aren’t so polite. It’s actually refreshing. Here, let me show you to your room.”

The room was not a bad size, but Jim immediately searched for a good meditation area. He frowned.

“You don’t like it?”

“No, it’s quite suitable. I was trying to decide where to place my meditation stone. Is it permissible to light incense?”

Pike’s lips twitched again. “Yes. If there’s not enough room here for your meditation, I’m sure there’s another spot in the apartment you can use.”

Jim smiled. “There’s room.”

“You’re into all that meditation stuff, too, huh?”

“Yes, it’s good for a disordered mind.”

“I’m sure it is.”

Jim took his bag from Pike. “So, you mentioned that I look like my father. You knew my biological father?”

“I did know George. We went to the academy together. We were good friends. Knew your mom, too, but not as well as your dad.” Pike leaned against the door way of Jim’s room. “I gotta admit I was pretty happy when I heard you wanted to join Starfleet.”

“You were?”

“If you’re anything like George, you’ll be a great asset. Your tests were very impressive.”

Jim knew he was blushing again. “Thank you, sir. Chris.”

“I’ll let you get settled. Maybe send a note to your mom? Come out to the kitchen for some tea when you’re ready.”

Pike closed the door to the room leaving Jim alone.

Jim hung up his meditation robe first and then put away some other clothing before taking his holo pictures out. Besides the two family ones, Jim had also taken one from Amanda’s sewing room. He didn’t think she would mind, but he knew he should have asked.

It was one of just Spock in the sweater Jim liked best on him. To take it with him had been a selfish indulgence and yet as he set it next to the bed, Jim was glad he had. His heart constricted as he stared at Spock’s image. He had it so bad and he knew it. To be with Spock had been a dream he’d long had, even without realizing it, really. But it was all for nothing.

He picked up one of Spock’s sweaters and stroked the soft material briefly before putting it away in a drawer. Jim grabbed his PADD.

_I made it! Mr. Pike was waiting for me and he seems really nice and welcoming. Not too cold here yet. I’m going to go have tea with him now. Please let Spock know I made it since he asked that I advise him. Love, Jim._

Pike was waiting for him in the kitchen and he handed him tea. Jim noticed through the windows that clouds were forming in the sky. “A storm?”

“Rains a lot here in San Francisco.”

“That’ll be different.”

Pike handed him a folder. “Your dorm assignment and curriculum for the semester.”

Jim scanned the name of his roommate. “Leonard McCoy.”

“A doctor,” Pike said with a nod. “Good man. You’ll like him.”

Jim smiled and sipped his tea. “I’m sure I will.”    


	5. Chapter 5

Jim had finished his meditation, changed out of his robe into what Pike called ‘street clothes’ and sat down to write a note to Amanda. He’d received a note from her just before meditation.

_Dearest Jim, it was wonderful to hear from you yesterday. I’m so glad things are working out so well there. Of course I never doubted you would fit in there or anywhere. Sarek and I are doing well. He sends his regards, of course. Spock and Nyota have returned to Vulcan and are settling into their house. Dearest, Spock has mentioned that you are not responding to any of his messages and he is hurt by this. Oh, no, he hasn’t said he was hurt, but I know he is. Jim, he loves you very much, no matter what else is going on. You know this. I won’t pressure you, of course, but I do wish you would send him a note back. It would be kind of you. Please write back to me. Mom._

Jim smiled after re-reading her note and reached for the mug of tea he had by his bedside and sat cross-legged on the bed to message her back.

_It’s raining today just as it rained yesterday. In the nearly two weeks I have been here it has rained 7.5 days out of 13. Captain Pike assures me that this is the ‘rainy’ season and it is not always this damp. When I am finished sending you this I will be going to the Starfleet Academy to meet my new roommate, Leonard McCoy. McCoy is a medical doctor and I have done significant research on his abilities. He seems to be quite brilliant, so I anticipate he will have no difficulty in successfully completing the academy courses. He is divorced with one child and from my research it seems that he has earned the nickname among colleagues and friends of ‘Bones’. I’m unaware of the origin of this._

_I’m excited to begin my course work for the command track at the academy. My cadet’s uniform arrived yesterday afternoon and it’s red. I’ve already tried it on, of course. I couldn’t help it._

Jim paused in his message. He now had reached the part where he would have to address Spock. Even reading that Spock had returned to Vulcan  _with_  Nyota had been like a kick in the stomach.  Not that he had expected otherwise. And he couldn’t expect Amanda not to mention Spock and…his…and her.

 _You are right as always regarding Spock. I will send him a note. Love, Jim_.

He hit send. Then started one for Spock.

_Hey, Spock. I’m on my way out so can’t make this long. Everything’s great here. No problems. I’m keeping warm. Yes, I am paying attention to my allergies. I’m actually going to be rooming with a Dr. Leonard McCoy, so that should put your mind at ease. Well, Captain Pike is calling me, so I have to go. Jim._

Of course Captain Pike wasn’t even home.  He was actually out with his girlfriend, a woman he called, Number One. Jim found that an odd name, but what did he know? Number One seemed nice enough. She was always kind to Jim and loving with Pike, so that was all Jim needed to know.

Jim slipped one of Spock’s sweaters over his head and left his room, grabbing the scanner card Pike had supplied him with to access the apartment.

Starfleet Academy was only two streets down from Captain Pike’s apartment, though the dorms were on the far side. Jim brought an umbrella and made his way down the rain-sodden streets to the dorms.

He had to admit he would miss staying at Pike’s apartment. It was a great place, and Pike had offered to let him stay at the apartment as it was so close, but Jim had felt that he should stay in the dorms with the other students.

His forms told him he was in Dorm Building Three, room twelve, so he headed there. He’d arranged to meet Dr. McCoy there so they could get acquainted before they moved in two days from then.

The door was closed, and though he’d been sent a key, Jim knocked.

It opened immediately to reveal a good looking man roughly ten years or so older than himself. He had dark brown hair and hazel-green eyes.

“You Jim?” the man asked.

“Yes.”

“Come in then.” He stood aside to let Jim into the dorm. It was a small room with two single beds and a bathroom. There was one window looking out to the sidewalk in front of the building. “I’ve already moved in. I took the bed next to the window but I can change it if you want that one.”

“No, the other bed is acceptable.”

The man eyed him and stuck out his hand. “Leonard McCoy.”

Jim was prepared this time so that after only a slight hesitation he joined his hand with McCoy’s. “Jim Kirk.”

“Is it true you were raised on Vulcan?”

Jim smiled. “Yes. Well, since I was six, yes. May I ask a question of my own?”

McCoy’s lips pursed. “Sure, kid.”

“I saw that there are those who have called you Bones. Is this your preferred address and where does it originate from?”

“Oh.” He nodded. “Yeah, you can call me that if you want. And as for why, well, one I’m a doctor, I guess, and two, I once made a comment about my wife leaving me with nothing but my bones.”

Jim frowned. “I see.”

Bones shrugged. “Don’t spend too much time analyzing it, kid. It’s no big deal.”

“Very well, Bones.”

Bones shook his head. “You’re a funny kid, that’s for sure. You want coffee or something?”

“I don’t drink coffee.”

“Figures.” Bones made a snorting sound. “How about beer?”

“I have never tried alcohol.”

Bones raised a brow, similar to the way Spock did. “We’ll have to fix that for sure.” He gestured around. “As you can see it’s not the grand palace. From what I hear the guy who had it last year used to stop up the toilet a lot. Probably gonna give us problems.”

“Unfortunate,” Jim agreed.

Bones smirked. “What are you doing now?”

Jim blinked. “Standing here in the dorm.”

He chuckled. “No, kid. No. Next. After you leave here. Were you going back to where you were staying or do you have some time?”

Jim knew he was blushing a little. He should know this stuff. It wasn’t that hard. “I have some time.”

“Great.” Bones grabbed a leather jacket. “We’re going out to meet my friend, Gary.”

“Gary?”

“Gary Mitchell. You’ll like him. The three of us are going to a bar. You may as well get your feet wet, kid.”

Jim frowned. “That’s illogical.”

“Yeah, I suppose it is. Come on, Jim. I think I’m gonna become real fond of you.”

****

Jim, did in fact, like Gary Mitchell. He was handsome, funny, and flirtatious. Jim could tell right away that Gary was attracted to him as well as he’d chosen to sit very close to Jim at the bar and almost exclusively looked at Jim when they talked.

“I don’t really know much about Vulcans,” Gary said.

“Jim’s not actually a Vulcan,” Bones said.

“Well, yeah I know that. For one thing he has amazing blue eyes.” Gary grinned at Jim. “Don’t all Vulcans have brown eyes.”

“They do,” Jim agreed.

“Thank God for humans then, huh? Cause you’ve got the prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen, Jim.”

Bones snorted.

“Thank you.”

“I hope we have classes together. You’re on the command track, yeah? Me too. So we definitely should.”

“I suppose so.” Jim hiccupped.

“Easy there, kid. How many is that now anyway?” Bones asked him.

Jim looked at the almost finished beer in front of him. He had to pee really bad. “Um.”

“I think that’s just his third one,” Gary said.

“Yeah, but the kid’s not used to it, so go easy.”

Gary nodded. “He’s right, Jim. I think that’s enough for you tonight. We can go get something to eat, the three of us.”

“Okay, but gotta pee,” Jim announced in what sounded to him like a really loud voice.

“Yeah, yeah, kid, go on. You need help?” Bones asked.

“No, I know how to pee,” Jim assured him.

Gary laughed.

Jim got up from the bar stool and swayed a little.

Bones put a hand on his arm. “Steady, Jim. You sure you don’t need help?”

Jim nodded, scowled a little at them, and turned towards the direction of the men’s room. The bag he’d brought with him, slung over his shoulder, chirped. He ignored it to take care of peeing but after washing his hands it chirped again. He took his PADD out of the bag and brought it up and realized very quickly he was staring at Spock.

“Jim.”

“Sp-Spock?”

“Since you are not replying to my messages I thought I would reach you this way.” Spock’s eyes narrowed. “Where are you?”

Jim hiccupped. “Um. Men’s room.”

“Are you intoxicated?”

“No!” Jim shouted. He winced. “Look, er, Spirk.”

Spock’s eyebrow rose.

“Spock,” he quickly corrected. “I’m here with Bones and Gary so—”

“Who are Bones and Gary?”

“My new friends.”

“Friends? Are these the friends who have gotten you intoxicated?”

Jim frowned, narrowed his own eyes. “I got myself intoxicated. I don’t need anyone’s help, least of all yours.”

“Jim—”

“I’m busy, Spock. I can’t talk right now.” He shut off his PADD and stuffed it back into his bag.


	6. Chapter 6

Spock heard Mother speaking in another room when he arrived at his parents’ house and at first, he turned around, intending not to interrupt her. But her words stopped him and drew him into the doorway of the room.

“You look wonderful, Jim.”

Spock hovered there, just out of her sight. She was on a terminal and from where he stood he could see Jim sitting at a desk, undoubtedly in his dorm room at Starfleet Academy.

“I look the same as I always do,” Jim told her. Spock agreed. He did not notice any visible change in Jim’s appearance.

Mother laughed. “Well, maybe not but you always look wonderful.”

Spock agreed with that assessment as well. Jim was pleasing to look at. He wore a red cadet’s uniform, Spock noticed.

“I’m not keeping you from your courses, am I?”

An entirely reasonable question.

“No, I’m actually done for the day.” Jim laughed and gestured to someone off the screen. “Shut up. Not you,” he said quickly to Mother.

“How are you doing in your courses?” There was a smile in Mother’s voice.

Jim looked down for a moment and then to the left, before back to Mother. “Okay.”

“Just okay? You are paying attention to your courses, aren’t you?”

Jim smiled. “Of course.”

Suddenly another human male Spock did not recognize appeared on the screen in front of Jim. He was older than Jim and looked questionable in Spock’s assessment.

“Leonard McCoy, ma’am.”

“Oh! Jim has told me about you. You’re his roommate?”

“Yeah, that’s me. Sorry to interfere, but Jim’s not doing okay in his courses.”

“Bones,” Jim protested from behind the man.

Spock opened his mouth to ask what was meant by McCoy’s statement.

“He’s the top of every class,” McCoy continued.

“Bones, get out of here.”

‘Bones’ just grinned and moved off the screen, revealing Jim’s pleasant visage once more.

“Sorry about that. You taught me not to brag, so I didn’t want to say.”

Mother laughed. “Well, I am both pleased at your abilities and your restraint.”

Jim’s cheeks turned red. “Thank you.”

“Is Leonard who you have been keeping off screen from me?” Mother asked.

“No.” Jim’s cheeks got even redder but his smile widened. “I’ve been hiding Gary.”

“Who is Gary?”

Spock waited for the answer to that as well. Jim had mentioned ‘Bones’ and Gary the night he had been too busy being intoxicated to speak with Spock.

A human male appeared on the screen sitting very close to Jim. In fact, Spock would say the human was in Jim’s personal space. He seemed to be of similar age to Jim but was not especially remarkable in appearance.

“This is Gary Mitchell,” Jim said. “He’s, uh…”

“Jim’s boyfriend, ma’am,” Gary supplied when Jim hesitated.

Jim grinned. “Yes. My boyfriend.”

Spock made a mental note to investigate the backgrounds of Leonard McCoy and Gary Mitchell as soon as possible.

“Oh.” Mother put her hand to her face. “Well, that is unexpected.”

“I know,” Jim agreed. “But things seem to move here at a faster pace than on Vulcan. It was unexpected but not unpleasant.”

“I can definitely see that it is not,” Mother agreed. “I’ll let you go since you have your friends there. We’ll talk soon?”

“We will.” Jim raised his hand in the ta’al. “Live long and prosper.”

They disconnected and Mother turned around, seeing Spock in the doorway, she smiled.

“You should have spoken up, I am sure Jim would have welcomed your presence,” Mother said.

“You were aware I was here?”

“Of course. You aren’t as stealthy as you imagine.” She went to a side table and removed two teacups from the cabinet. “Tea?”

“Please.”

“Jim looks good. San Francisco appears to agree with him.” Mother poured tea from a pot.

“I am uncertain a location can affect one’s appearance, Mother. Jim looked much the same as last I saw him.”

“Hmm. Really? I see a definite difference in him from your wedding day.”

Spock did not wish to revisit the memory of Jim with tears in his eyes. Tears of distress caused by Spock.

He changed the subject. “I will, of course, thoroughly investigate both Leonard McCoy and Gary Mitchell.”

She handed him a teacup. “Jim assured me he had already researched Leonard before they shared a dorm room.”

“Nevertheless I will look into his background as well.”

“Can you believe Jim has a boyfriend already?” Mother shook her head, but she was smiling.

“I do not. It seems far too hasty. He could be dangerous.”

She laughed at that. “I don’t think so. Jim would hardly date a dangerous man.”

“Mother, Jim is still quite innocent and trusting. I prefer to see the facts for myself.”

“Of course, Spock.” She took a sip of her own tea and sat at a table where she did her knitting. “Will you sit?”

Spock wanted to begin his research soon, however, he took the seat she offered. “Why did neither you nor Sa-mekh try to change Jim’s mind about leaving Vulcan?”

“I thought about it, but honestly, Spock, under the circumstances, I’m not sure leaving wasn’t the best choice for Jim.”

“The best choice?”

“I know he spoke to you of his feelings.”

Spock shifted uncomfortably and stared into his tea. “It was a surprise.”

“Was it? I’m rather surprised it was a surprise.” Mother smiled. “He’s followed you around ever since we adopted him.”

“As a brother.”

“There is an element of that for certain,” Mother allowed. “And a bit of hero worship. But I suspected there was more.”

“And you did not warn me of this?”

“Warn you? Oh, no. I do not believe Jim’s love for you requires a warning, Spock.”

“You know what I mean.”

“And would it have changed anything? Nyota had her entire family and friends visiting for the wedding. She made quite the extravagant affair out of it, didn’t she?”

Spock had actually disagreed with the elaborate ceremony Nyota had insisted on. “Yes.”

“Anyway, what’s done is done. And I’m glad Jim is doing so well at the Academy. I think perhaps he needed this time away from us.”

“We are his family.”

“Of course we are. But everyone needs their own space now and again.” She reached over and patted his hand gently. “How is Nyota?”

Spock did not wish to speak of Nyota. The marriage was not going well, not as far as Spock was concerned. Nyota demanded much of his attention and always seemed to find fault with everything. She had been talking about leaving Vulcan. She also seemed unconcerned with their inability to bond and said it did not matter to her. It mattered to Spock and he intended to find out why they could not soon.

“She is well,” Spock replied.

“Do you want to stay for lunch?”

“If I may use your resources for my research of Jim’s friends, yes.”

She smiled. “Of course you may. I’ll go prepare it.” She rose then and left the room to go to the kitchen.

Spock went to her terminal. It was time to find out more about Gary Mitchell.  


	7. Chapter 7

Jim sighed a little when he got notice he had a video conference request from Spock. He knew he’d have to deal with Spock, of course. He couldn’t avoid him forever and really, in spite of everything, he didn't even want to.

But it still hurt to see him. To think of him.

Sure, Jim had Gary now and friends like Bones and his girl, Christine, but Jim knew he’d go to his grave wanting and wishing for Spock. He’d learned to hide it from Gary. He’d confessed a little to Bones. But Jim knew he couldn't fool Spock, not really.

He hit the accept button and Spock appeared. Seeing Spock caused an immediate ache in his chest. Spock was so beautiful, so precious.

_Taluhk nash-veh k'dular._

Jim forced a smile. “Hi Spock.”

“Jim, I hope I am finding you well.”

“Yes, I am. And you?”

Spock nodded. “Indeed. And I am not interrupting something you need to attend to?”

For a moment Jim almost grasped at that excuse to make this short. Bones had gone to dinner with Christine. They’d invited him, but Jim hadn’t wanted to be the third wheel. Gary had to work at his night job, so that left Jim here by himself. He’d done his studying. Knew all the answers by heart twice over.

“No, I have time,” Jim admitted instead.

“And you are alone with no one off screen I need to concern myself with?”

“No one else is here, Spock.”

He nodded again. “I have been investigating your friends.”

“What?”

“Leonard ‘Bones’ McCoy and Gary Mitchell specifically. Are there additional friends I need to know of?” Spock queried, quite seriously.

“Uh.”

“Their names, please.”

“Spock—”

“Jim.”

“I’m not a child you know. I don’t need—”

“I will obtain the information without your assistance if needed, but it would be easier for you to provide it yourself.”

Jim grimaced. “I’d almost forgotten what a controlling prick you can be.”

Spock arched a brow. “I see you are expanding your vocabulary.”

“I’m sorry,” Jim mumbled. “Very well. There’s Bones' girlfriend, Christine Chapel.”

Spock nodded.

“And there’s Scotty.”

“What is Scotty’s last name?”

“Scott.”

“Scotty Scott?”

Jim laughed at that which seemed to cause Spock’s dark eyes to widen slightly. “No. Um, Montgomery Scott. We just call him Scotty. Oh and Carol Marcus. She’s cool. And some classmates. I don’t think you need all their names.”

Spock opened his mouth as though to argue, but he closed his mouth and nodded. “I have learned information about McCoy and Mitchell.”

Jim arched an eyebrow of his own. “Indeed?”

“McCoy, of course, is a doctor. A fairly well-respected one.”

“I know.”

“I do question why he would join Starfleet Academy given his already established career.”

Jim shrugged. “They need doctors, too. For when we go into space and there are injuries.”

“Space,” Spock repeated as though it were distasteful.

“Yes. The goal is to ultimately command a starship.”

“Whose goal?”

Jim smiled. “Mine, of course.”

“You are not studying science?”

“I’m taking courses, as required, but no that isn't my concentration, Spock. I've decided to do the command track.”

Spock nearly frowned. “You were very adept at science and were accepted into the Vulcan Science Academy.”

“I know that also. I've changed my mind.”

Spock’s eyes narrowed slightly. “About a few things, it would seem. Does Mother know of your major change?”

“I think I mentioned it to her.”

“You think?”

Jim sighed, growing irritated. “Does it matter, Spock?”

“Your family should be informed of changes in your status.”

“Well, you are informed now, aren't you?”

Spock’s jaw tightened. “As I was saying, Dr. McCoy is from the south, is divorced with one child and appears to act quite unorthodox at times.”

Jim laughed again which caused the same widening of Spock’s eyes as last time. Weird. “Yeah, that describes Bones. He’s different for sure, but he’s treated me very well and even has started keeping track of my allergies.”

Spock nodded. “I will convey my gratitude to him. You will send me his contact information.” Spock said it as though it was an order and Jim guessed maybe it was.

“All right.”

“Now on to Gary Mitchell.”

Jim bit his tongue and just nodded.

“I have discovered that he is a felon.”

“A felon?”

“Yes, there is an arrest record for him,” Spock said stiffly.

“Right.”

“Right?”

“I know about that. Gary was arrested as a teenager for petty theft. He told me about it.”

“Theft of any kind is not petty.”

Jim managed not to roll his eyes. “Anyway, it was expunged, so how is it you found out?”

“I have my methods, Jim. As you are aware.”

It was true. Spock could dig up dirt on anyone. There was no way to hide anything from Spock, because he’d find it.

“Anyway, like I said, he told me about it. And I don’t think that makes him a felon.”

“I cannot agree. It speaks to his character.”

“Everyone makes mistakes when they are young,” Jim insisted.

“Neither of us got arrested.”

“I know.” Jim sighed. “Is there anything else?”

“Not that I have found,” Spock replied. “But I believe the arrest is enough for you to proceed with extreme caution.”

Jim nodded. “Okay.” It was time to turn the conversation away from Jim and his friends. Though it killed him to do it, Jim forced it out, “How’s Nyota?”

“She is…well.”

“Great. Have you figured out the bonding?”

Spock shook his head. “I have an appointment tomorrow with T’Pau.”

“If anyone can figure it out, I’m sure it’s her. She’s very wise.”

“Indeed,” Spock agreed.

“You’ll have to let me know how it goes. Now, I’m hungry, so I’m going to go over to the deli not far from here to grab their vegetarian sandwich. Is there anything else?”

“Negative.”

“Okay then. We’ll talk again soon.”

“Jim—”

“Yeah?”

Spock hesitated and then very slowly shook his head. “There is nothing.” He lifted his hand in the ta’al. “Live Long and Prosper.”

“Peace and long life.”


	8. Chapter 8

Spock should not have been surprised Nyota didn’t want to go see T’Pau with him, but he was a little. She’d been on the terminal talking with her family and she had informed him he could just tell her later what T’Pau had said about their inability to bond.

The marriage between them was worsening. Spock believed it was mostly his fault. Nyota wanted a more emotional response from him than he seemed able to give to her. The more she demanded it, the more distance he put between them and they had ceased sharing the same bedroom over a week ago.

There was no one Spock felt he could discuss his failing marriage with. His mother was sympathetic but Spock suspected she might take Nyota’s side on the emotional connection.

It was not that he did not care for Nyota. He would not have agreed to marriage if he had not. But the deep affection she expected of him, eluded him.

“I am here to see T’Pau,” Spock told the Vulcan standing outside her chambers.

“She is expecting you. You may enter.”

Spock went through the doorway into her chambers. T’Pau sat at the far end in a chair that resembled the throne of an ancient kingdom, although this throne was simple and not adorned with gemstones. He approached her and knelt before her.

T’Pau pursed her lips. “Spock, where is your wife and intended bondmate?”

“She chose not to come.”

“I see.” T’Pau said nothing further though Spock knew she disapproved. She leaned forward. “I will now examine your mind.”

Her long bony fingers pressed into his face. He felt her presence in his mind but it was not invasive…just there. She said nothing for several minutes. When she pulled back, her expression had not changed.

“You have determined why we are having trouble with the bond?” Spock queried when T’Pau simply stared at him.

“Affirmative. You are already bonded, Spock.”

Spock’s brows furrowed in confusion. “With Nyota?”

“Negative. Her mind is weak. Your bond was already in place before your marriage.”

“But I was not bonded as a child.”

“You were, Spock. Perhaps not in the traditional way of Vulcan, but a bond formed nevertheless.” T’Pau shook her head. “Your bond is with James Kirk.”

Spock sucked in a breath. “How?”

“Telsu. The t’hy’la bond. As children your bond formed upon recognition of the other half of your souls.”

Spock bowed his head. _Jim_.

“You have betrayed the bond.”

“Betrayed it?”

“By your marriage to the human woman.”

Spock shook his head. “I did not know. How is it I did not know that I was bonded to him?”

“It lays dormant within you until the time for the bond to complete.”

“You speak of Pon Farr?”

T’Pau nodded. “When your time comes, the bond will seek to complete and mature.” She shook her head. “Before the betrayal.”

Spock’s throat tightened. “What does that mean?”

“I have little experience with the t’hy’la bond, Spock. There have not been any that I am aware of for over one hundred years. Your bonded one is in pain.”

“You know this through my mind?”

“I feel the connection between you but it has weakened. He seeks solace in another.”

Spock closed his eyes. “What do I do?”

“If you wish to break the t’hy’la bond, I will need time to learn if it is possible.”

Spock opened his eyes and stared at her in shock. “Break it?”

“If that is your wish,” T’Pau said. “And that of your wife.”

Spock exhaled. “I must think on this.”

“Of course.”

Spock stood. “I am gratified for your assistance.”

T’Pau nodded. “You are dismissed, Spock.”

Spock turned and left, feeling dazed and at a loss.

****

“Mm. God, yes, please,” Jim moaned as Gary thrust into him over and over.

“Jim, oh baby, Jim,” Gary yelled, then stiffened above him when he released in Jim’s ass. As he pulled out of Jim, Gary reached for Jim’s erection and quickly jerked him until Jim too came, cum spurting over Gary’s fingers.

Jim panted as Gary moved off him and lay beside him in his tiny dorm bed. Well, almost on top of him really.

“You’re amazing,” Gary said softly, wrapping his arm around Jim’s middle. “I don’t know how I got so lucky finding you, but I’m just so fucking glad.”

Jim smiled. “I’m glad too. When I first came here I thought I’d have no friends and wouldn’t know anyone. Now I have you and Bones and everyone else. It’s like I’ve always belonged here.”

“You have, baby,” Gary said, pushing hair off Jim’s forehead. “I’m sure Vulcan was nice and all, but you’re human. You should be on Earth where you can be free to be yourself.”

“I love Vulcan and my life there,” Jim said, feeling like he needed to defend it.

“Oh, I know. And I don’t mean anything bad. I know you love your family there. I just think this is the place for you. With me. And Starfleet. Jim, you’re going to be the best captain ever someday.”

Jim laughed. “Well, I hope so.”

“I know so.” Gary kissed him. “What time is Bones supposed to be back?”

“Oh, he’s not. He was going to stay with Christine tonight.”

“So I can spend the night?”

Jim nodded. “Sure. But I’m starving. Can we go get something to eat?”

“Sure thing. Let me get a quick shower and then it’s yours. We can go after that.” Gary scrambled over top of Jim and then headed into the bathroom.

Jim lay on his back and stared at the ceiling. Gary was great. Really. Gary hadn’t yet said he loved Jim, but Jim knew it was coming and soon. And then Jim would be faced with saying it back to Gary. He liked Gary. A lot. But love? He shook his head. He loved Spock. Only Spock. So he was either going to have to lie and tell Gary he loved him back or risk hurting Gary by not saying anything.

Jim sat up and reached for his boxer briefs. He’d tried to get over Spock. He really had. But he couldn’t. No matter how much sex he had with Gary, and damn, he’d had a lot because Gary was kind of insatiable. Sometimes he even pretended he was with Spock instead of Gary and then he just wanted to die of embarrassment because he shouldn’t be doing that.

 _Stupid Vulcan_.

Jim pulled on his briefs and stood. He went to his PADD, but there were no messages from Amanda, Sarek or Spock. He’d heard from Amanda the day before and Sarek the day before that. But it had been several days since he’d heard from Spock. Which was kind of weird, really. Though maybe for the best.

Gary came out of the bathroom, naked and rubbing a towel through his hair. “Shower’s all yours, babe.”

Jim smiled and leaned over to kiss Gary on his way by. “I’ll be just a minute.”

There was a knock on the dorm door and Jim frowned.

“Can you get that?” And then he headed into the bathroom and closed the door.


	9. Chapter 9

Jim was about to get in the shower when there was a tap on the bathroom door. A rather urgent one.

“Jim? Jim? Can you come out, please?” Gary asked, sounding more than a little desperate.

“What? Who was at the door?”

“Just come out. Now.”

Shaking his head, Jim pulled on his terry cloth robe and opened the bathroom door to peak out. His heart stuttered.

“Sa-mekh.”

Sarek stood in the middle of Jim’s dorm room looking very imposing. Gary was white as a ghost and trying desperately to inch toward the door. At least he had re-dressed.

Jim licked his lips. “Gary, this is Sarek, my sa-mekh.”

“Yes, I, uh, we met.” Gary’s gaze flickered to the door. “I was, uh, I was thinking I’d you know let you guys talk or whatever and see you tomorrow.”

“That would be for the best,” Jim agreed.

“It was nice to meet you, sir,” Gary stammered.

“Live long and prosper,” Sarek said, though he had not taken his eyes off of Jim.

Neither of them spoke again until Gary had made his exit.

“I was about to take a shower,” Jim said.

Sarek nodded. “I will wait.”

Jim grabbed some clean clothes from his dresser and went back into the bathroom. He made the shower quick and was back out to the main room dressed and ready to face Sarek in only five minutes.

“I did not expect you,” Jim admitted.

“It was necessary to come to Earth,” Sarek explained. “I could not come without a visit to you.”

“I’m glad you’re here. I was about to get something to eat. Can we go somewhere?”

Sarek nodded. “That would be agreeable.”

They chose a vegetarian restaurant not far from Sarek’s hotel. They had ordered before Sarek said much of anything. Not that he was ever a particularly chatty sort.

“Your mother, of course, sends her regards.”

“She’s all right?”

“Yes. The journey here was sudden or she might have joined me. She did say she had sent you a message to advise you I was arriving.”

“Oh. Maybe I haven’t seen it yet.”

“I suspect you were occupied with Mr. Mitchell.”

Jim tried not to blush. “Why the sudden trip?”

“I am being appointed Ambassador to Earth.”

“Wow. That’s quite an honor, isn’t it?”

“Yes. In another month, I will be locating here for six months.”

“Here in San Francisco?”

Sarek nodded. “Yes. Your mother will come also.”

“What about Spock?”

“I do not know.” Sarek picked up the cup in front of him and took a sip of his tea. “He and Nyota are separated.”

Jim’s stomach flipped over. “They-they’re what?”

“She has gone to stay with her sister on Rigel 3 for the time being. Their marriage was troubled.”

“Was this his decision or hers?”

“A mutual one. They were unable to complete the bond and I believe the human marriage proved disappointing for both of them.”

He bit his lip. His heart was pounding and he wasn’t even sure why. It meant absolutely nothing for him. Nothing. “Will they reconcile?”

“It is difficult to predict.”

“Well, that’s-that’s too bad.”

Sarek inclined his head. “It is unfortunate.”

Their dinner was brought and for a moment, Jim just ate.

“Because we will be staying here, you will have the opportunity to stay with us during our time on Earth,” Sarek said.

Leave his dorm? Stop living with Bones? He loved his parents, of course he did, but having the freedom he’d had since coming to San Francisco had been ideal. He didn’t want to give that up.

“Sa-mekh—”

Sarek held up his hand to stop him. “It is not necessary for you to decide now, James. Just give it consideration.”

“Yes, sir.”

Sarek steepled his fingers. “And Mr. Mitchell? He is a serious pairing?”

“Uh.” Jim felt himself blush. “I don’t know.”

“You seemed rather intimate with him tonight.”

“Yes. But…well…it’s-it’s still early.”

Sarek arched a brow. “I see. He does seem enamored of you. I thought perhaps you would seek a more permanent relationship.”

Jim gave a sort of strangled sound. “I, uh, no. No. I’m definitely not ready for that. Gary and I are just having fun right now.” Which sounded less serious than they were so Jim felt bad. He liked Gary a lot. He knew Gary loved him. But that was as far as it went and he didn’t know how to explain all that to Sarek.

“Fun.”

Jim rubbed the back of his neck. “Yes. For now.”

Sarek nodded. “And you are still doing well in your courses?”

“Top of all my classes,” Jim said. He still felt a bit as though he was bragging, but Sarek had taught him to simply state the truth.

“I would have expected nothing less. You were highly intelligent from the first we chose you to adopt.”

Jim smiled a little. “I remember you questioning all the orphans that were there. You asked us difficult questions.”

“Perhaps, but you were the only one who wanted desperately to answer them. You got upset when you did not know the answers. I knew then you had a sharp mind capable of learning much.”

“Only because you gave me the opportunity.”

“And I have never regretted it. I leave in the morning to return to Vulcan, however, we will advise you when we will be coming to San Francisco for our six month relocation.”

“Good. Great. I missed you.” And that much was totally true even if he didn’t want to give up his independence.

Sarek paid the check of course, and Jim didn’t even protest.

****

Now he was alone in his dorm room. Bones was staying the night with Christine and Gary had run as far from Sarek as he could. He knew his sa-mekh could be intimidating. Jim thought briefly of contacting Gary to have him come back for the night, but he didn’t.

He grabbed his PADD and sat cross-legged on his bed to contact Spock. He wasn’t even sure if Spock would respond, but he hoped so.

After a few minutes of waiting Spock appeared. He looked a little tired to Jim.

“Hey, are you all right?”

Spock nodded. “Affirmative. And you?”

“Yeah, good. I just had dinner with sa-mekh.”

“He did advise me he intended to visit with you.”

“He-he told me about you and Nyota.”

“I see.”

“I’m sorry, Spock. I know you wanted this to work out.”

“I did,” Spock agreed.

And yeah, Jim knew that, because Jim had confessed his love on Spock’s wedding day and Spock had married Nyota anyway, but it still hurt even now to hear that yes, Spock had wanted it to work with her.

 _Brothers_.

Jim needed to chant that word over and over again until he had it into his thick skull.

“Well I just wanted to see if you were all right, you know, because of it.”

“I am…uncompromised.”

The words were said like he meant them and yet…there was something Jim felt he was missing. Just out of reach. Some kind of information.

“Okay. Well, I’ll let you go then. I should use the night to study.”

Spock nodded. “Good night, Jim.”

“Good night.”

Jim ended the transmission. His heart ached and he wanted Spock to love him back more than anything. But…

_Brothers. Brothers. Brothers._

Maybe someday he could believe it.


	10. Chapter 10

“You have no reason to be anxious, Spock,” his mother told him as the shuttle landed in San Francisco.

“I am hardly anxious, Mother.”

She smiled gently. “I know. I just meant that I am certain Jim is fine. He said he would meet us.”

Spock nodded. In spite of his mother’s speculation he had no doubt that Jim was well and he did not have any concerns in that regard. Since discovering he was bonded to Jim, Spock had experimented with lowering his shields for five minutes here and there. He’d been able to ascertain Jim’s welfare this way. And as far as he could tell, Jim was completely unaware of their connection.

He had told no one of T’Pau’s announcement that he was bonded to Jim. Not his parents. Not even Nyota. It had been Spock’s idea to separate. A marriage between them could not work, not now. Perhaps it had never been possible, but with the truth known now, Spock could not pretend otherwise. Though it had been his idea, Nyota had not been adverse to their separation nor had she seemed particularly surprised. Spock wondered if perhaps their marriage had not lived up to her expectations either.

In spite of now knowing the truth about Jim, it was not as though Spock could or would simply walk up to Jim and tell him they were bonded. Jim deserved better than that.

Spock was aware Jim had a boyfriend now, Gary Mitchell. And given the way Spock had treated Jim after his declaration to Spock it was likely Jim had changed his mind. Spock would have to find a way to change it back.

He would court Jim.

When they departed the shuttle, Spock walking just behind his parents, he noticed immediately that Jim waited for them. He stood off to the side of the waiting crowd but he was not easy to miss for he was tall and blond and quite striking in appearance. And he was not alone.

Spock recognized the other man as the convict, Gary Mitchell, from his research into the man’s character. Spock did not trust him. And it had absolutely nothing to do with him sleeping with Spock’s mate. Spock had not trusted him prior to his knowledge of Jim.

“Jim,” Mother exclaimed happily, hurrying to Jim. She embraced Jim immediately in a very tight hug and he returned the hug with equal enthusiasm. “You look wonderful.”

“I look the same,” Jim said with a laugh.

“Which is wonderful,” she insisted.

“I missed you, too,” he said softly. Then he released her and pulled Mitchell close. “You met him via my PADD, but here he is in person. Gary, this is my family. My mother, Amanda, my sa-mekh, Sarek, whom you met before, and this is my…Spock. I mean my brother, Spock.”

“I’m happy to meet you.” Mitchell held up his hand in a bad imitation of the ta’al. “I hope this is right.”

Before Spock could reply that it was hardly acceptable, Mother spoke up, “It’s fine. Lovely. Thank you so much for meeting us, too.”

Spock watched as Jim went to Father and embraced him. Jim had always been a hugger, even as a small boy, and no amount of Vulcan upbringing had changed that about him. Father lightly returned the embrace.

Then Jim stepped over to Spock. He stared at Spock, his blue eyes hesitant. And for a moment Spock thought Jim would not treat him as he did the rest of their family and would not embrace him. But then he smiled tentatively.

“Hey, Spock.” He put his arms around Spock’s waist not his shoulders as he had done with Father and he folded himself against Spock’s body. Spock’s arms came around Jim and pulled him closer almost of their own free will. Spock had to fight for control as his shields wavered, having his bondmate this close. He leaned forward just a bit and caught the apple scent of Jim’s shampoo.

He was saved from looking as though he were inhaling his _“brother”_ when Jim pulled away.

“It’s really great to see you. I’m glad you came,” Jim said. He squeezed Spock’s arm and then went back to rejoin Mitchell. “I thought we’d all go to dinner before we take you to the hotel. There’s a really good vegetarian restaurant very close.”

“Are you a vegetarian also, Gary?” Mother asked as they all began to leave the shuttle bay.

“No, ma’am. But the restaurant is one I frequent with Jim and there are several dishes I find tasty.”

Spock had to push away the jealousy he felt about Mitchell frequenting places with Jim. He had no right to feel jealousy. He knew that. And yet.

“Have you agreed to stay with us at our suite of rooms, James?” Father asked.

“Yes,” Jim said with a nod. “Gary’s going to take over my spot at the dorm with Bones. It’ll be cheaper for him than his apartment.”

“Oh, you gave up your apartment?” Mother asked.

“Just for this year, ma’am,” Gary replied. “Who knows? Next year Jim and I might get an apartment together.”

Jim grinned. “That’s right.”

The muscle in Spock’s jaw jumped. This was definitely going to be more difficult than he had believed.

****

“Here,” Mitchell said, as he held up his fork to Jim’s mouth. “Taste this. It’s so good.”

Jim opened his mouth and Mitchell stuck the food inside. Jim moaned. “Oh, my God, that’s so good. I want some of that.”

Spock clenched his fist around his fork.

Mitchell cut off a large portion of his vegetable dish and placed it on Jim’s plate. “There you are, babe.”

“Thanks.” Jim’s eyes were shining as he looked at Gary.

Father said quietly, “You were correct, James. The food here is quite exceptional. The Vulcan dishes in particular are delicious.”

“That’s because they had a Vulcan chef at one time. She’s not here anymore but they still use her recipes,” Jim explained.

“Well, Sarek is right,” Mother said. “The food is fantastic. I might be tempted to eat here every night with it being so close to the hotel.”

“You won’t get any argument out of me. Gary and I come here so often we have a regular table.”

Spock decided then and there that he did not like the restaurant. Not at all. Completely illogical, of course.


	11. Chapter 11

“I still think this was a bad idea,” Gary muttered as he and Jim stood outside the Embassy approved hotel Jim and his family was staying in. Gary was leaving after dinner while the rest of them had gone inside.

“I know you do,” Jim said. “But they really wanted me to stay with them.”

“Do you always do what they want you to do?” Gary asked mulishly.

This was definitely a side of Gary Jim did not appreciate. But he forced lightness into his tone. “No. They wanted me to study science at the Vulcan Science Academy and I did not. I’m on the command track here instead.”

Gary sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “I know. Sorry. It’s just…this is going to make it much harder to have alone time.”

“I know and I’m sorry about that. Perhaps if you hadn’t given up your apartment—”

“You know I was struggling to pay for it.”

“I know.” Jim offered him a smile. “We’ll have time.”

“I hope so.” Gary leaned over to kiss Jim but after just a brief kiss, Jim stood back. “What the hell?”

“My family is just inside,” Jim reminded him.

“So?”

“They don’t approve of that kind of public display. We’re Vulcan and it’s not appropriate.”

Gary’s jaw tightened. “Newsflash, Jim. _You_ are not Vulcan.”

“I know, Gary. But my family is.”

He sighed again, more dramatically. “I’m sorry. It’s frustrating. I love you, Jim, and I like being with you. A lot.”

Jim swallowed hard. He knew Gary expected him to say the words back, but Jim just could not. “I know. I-I feel the same.”

Judging by Gary’s expression it hadn’t been quite good enough, but that was all he could give to Gary. For now. Maybe forever.

“I better go,” Gary said then, his tone clipped. “I’ll see you tomorrow at the Academy.”

Jim nodded. “Yeah. Good night.”

Gary turned then and began to walk away from the hotel.

“He does not respect your family,” Spock said coming out of the shadows of the hotel awning.

“You were listening?”

“It was not my intention to eavesdrop.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “What intention did you have then? I don’t need a chaperone, Spock.”

“Perhaps not normally, however, Mitchell is a felon.”

“Are we back to that?”

“I have never left it. I do not believe he is an appropriate companion for you.”

Jim shook his head. “You don’t get to decide that.”

“Jim—”

“No,” Jim said sharply.  His stomach had twisted into knots. “You had a chance to…it does not matter. You are married to Nyota.”

“Our marriage is troubled,” Spock admitted.

“Sa-mekh told me. I am sorry for the instability of your union,” Jim said, lapsing into formality. Whenever he was around Spock and Sarek for long it was difficult not to.

“I appreciate the sentiment.”

Jim licked his lips and looked at the gathering fog. He pulled the collar of his coat around his neck. “Will there be reconciliation?”

“No, I cannot.”

Jim glanced at him. “Why did you marry her then?”

Spock stared at Jim, his dark eyes as unreadable as they ever were. “I thought duty required it. And I lacked all information at the time of our engagement.”

“Your inability to bond with her?”

Spock nodded.

“That is unfortunate. Did you ever learn why you could not?”

“Yes,” Spock admitted. “But I am unable to disclose the reason at this time.”

Jim snorted. “I had not intended to make such a personal query.”

“It is not that I do not wish to tell you.”

He shrugged. “Whatever. Why did you follow me out here?”

“I explained. I do not trust Mitchell.”

“I don’t need my overbearing big brother to look out for me, Spock. Gary isn’t going to hurt me. He loves me.”

“I heard his declaration,” Spock said softly. “I question his sincerity.”

Jim laughed. “You what? You don’t even know him.”

“I am not so certain you do either.”

“Why would he lie about loving me?”

“To control you. To participate in sexual congress with you.”

“Trust me, he didn’t need to say he loved me for that to happen, Spock.”

Spock inclined his head. “I do trust you. Above all others. But I also believe you are naïve.”

“I am not an idiot,” Jim insisted, stung by Spock’s words.

“You are very intelligent.”

“Yet you think I can so easily be manipulated by Gary when he flashes his pretty smile and says he loves me.” Jim shook his head. “For the record, I believe him. He does love me. Imagine that? _Someone_ actually finds me worthy of love.”

“There is no need for an emotional outburst, Jim,” Spock said stoically.

Jim huffed a breath. “I really want to hit you sometimes.”

“You will not resort to violence,” Spock said calmly. “We should go inside. They are expecting us.”

“Are you so sure?” Jim asked, walking up to stand very close to Spock. So close he could feel Spock’s breath fan across his face.

Spock blinked. “So sure they are expecting us?”

“No. That I won’t resort to violence.”

“You never have before.”

“I’m a changed man, Spock. You’ll find a lot of things different about me.”

Spock’s eyebrow went up and Jim didn’t know whether he wanted to lick that ridiculous brow or punch Spock in his snooty face. God, he fucking loved Spock so much. Spock’s eyes inexplicably widened.

Jim stepped back. “Let’s go inside. It’s getting cold out here.”


	12. Chapter 12

Jim had just finished unpacking when there was a soft tap on his door.  Rather than call out to enter, he went to the door and opened it.

“Hey,” he greeted Amanda warmly.

She carried a tray with a teapot and two cups on it.

“Here, let me get that.” He took the tray from her and set it on the little end table next to the bed.

“I figured you could use a break from unpacking.”

He smiled. “I’m almost done anyway.”

She went to the teapot and poured tea into each cup. “I was surprised you agreed to stay with us and give up your dorm.”

“I knew it was what Sa-mekh wanted.”

Amanda handed him a cup and then went to sit in one of the two chairs in the sitting area of Jim’s room.

“I’m sure. But he would have accepted your choice if you had not. I would have seen to that.”

“I know. It was a small thing,” he assured her.

“If it were up to Sarek we’d all be living together in one place for the rest of our lives,” she said with a smile. “For all his stoicism he’s really quite sentimental.” She sipped her tea. “He misses you.”

“I miss him too. And everyone.” Jim took the chair across from her.

“You are still doing well at the academy?”

“Yes.”

“I’ve spoken with Christopher Pike. He’s very impressed with you.”

He felt himself blush. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing. Everyone thinks highly of your skills and intelligence. Just as I always knew you had great capacity to excel at whatever you wanted to do.”

“All moms think that about their sons.”

“I suppose so,” she acknowledged. “And you’re getting along with your classmates?”

“Sure, yeah.”

“I have noticed an alteration in your speech patterns. Gary seems very nice and I daresay is quite smitten with you.”

He laughed at that. “I guess, yes. And he is very nice. He treats me very well.”

“I have no doubt about that. You would never put up with anyone who did not.”

“Never,” Jim agreed.

“Then perhaps you will tell me why you are so unbearably sad,” she said gently, but pointedly.

Jim blinked, taken aback. “I-I’m not.”

“You are so sad I can barely breathe from the experience of it. I am your mother, Jim. You cannot hide it from me, though I am aware you are trying desperately to do so.”

Jim did not answer but looked away.

“It is Spock, isn’t it?”

“No. Yes. No. I’m over it. That. Him.”

“You are not. But this is exactly why I questioned the wisdom of staying here with us. With Spock.”

“I should be able to handle being around my brother,” Jim mumbled. “I’m trying. He doesn’t make it easier.”

“No, he wouldn’t. I adore my son, but if there is one thing Spock does not do it is make things easier.”

“I will get past it,” Jim vowed.

“I know. Perhaps Gary will help you with it.”

Jim sighed, bit his lip. “He says he loves me.”

“That’s wonderful,” she said. Then after a pause, “Isn’t it?”

“Yeah. Yeah it is.”

She studied his face. “But it does not make you happy.”

“No,” Jim whispered. He took a large swallow of tea, felt it burn his throat. “I wish it did. It should.”

“I cannot tell you how to live your life, sweetheart, but you might consider it would be cruel to lead Gary on if you cannot find love in your heart for him.”

“I know you’re right. But…it’s possible it’s simply too early, right? Maybe I’ll fall in love with him.” He heard the pathetic desperation in his own voice.

She smiled gently. “Perhaps. But consider it does not seem too early to Gary for him to love you.”

“It’s wrong to love Spock, isn’t it? I mean we were raised as brothers.”

“Love is never wrong, Jim. And you are not blood related.”

“I know.” He shook his head. “But he doesn’t love me. Not that way.”

“I wish I could make this better for you. I am not even certain Spock knows what he wants or feels. Clearly marrying Nyota was not what he truly wanted.”

“Perhaps not, but he didn’t want me either,” Jim said, trying not to sound as pathetic as he felt. “I told him how I felt. It didn’t matter.”

“Your declaration was ill-timed,” she said with all gentleness. “It afforded him little time to react or to think clearly about it.”

“No. If our places had been reversed and Spock declared he loved me right before I was getting married, I would have stopped everything because I would have returned his love.” Jim sighed and finished his tea. “Gary is good for me. I just need to focus on him and forget Spock. Everything will fall into place then.”

Amanda smiled sadly and rose. “I’ll leave you to rest. Have breakfast with me in the morning? Do you have time?”

“I’ll make time.” He kissed her cheek and closed the door after her.

He took out his meditation incense and stones and set them out, then changed into his meditation robe. He hoped he could clear his mind of Spock.

****

“What? What do you mean you’ve secured a temporary teaching assignment at Starfleet Academy?” Jim asked Spock as Spock walked along the street with him on the way to the Academy.

“Just as I said. While I am here on Earth, I have arranged a professorship.”

“Just like that?”

“No, but my credentials teaching at the Vulcan Science Academy enabled me to acquire this position. I thought you would be pleased.”

Jim stopped and looked at Spock. “Uh, okay. I’m pleased.”

“What is your objection?” Spock asked, raising a brow.

“Nothing. Exactly. It’s just that you’re sort of invading my space everywhere.”

Spock shook his head. “That is illogical.”

Jim rolled his eyes and kept walking, Spock following behind.

Gary was meeting him, which he hadn’t actually told Spock, he wasn’t sure why. And as they approached the school, Jim spotted Gary.

Gary waved at them. “Jim, hey!”

Jim smiled and went to give Gary a hug, but Gary glanced sharply at Spock, who stood stiff beside Jim, and wrapped his arms tightly around Jim’s middle. Before Jim could react, Gary was covering Jim’s lips with his own in a searing, possessive kiss, tongue and all.

For just a moment something dark and insidious similar to a jealous rage fluttered through Jim’s mind, but was gone so fast Jim didn’t even think it was real. He put his hands on Gary’s shoulders, intending to break the kiss but Gary just drew him closer.

“Hey, Mitchell, Kirk, get a room,” someone called as they passed by.

Gary and Jim broke apart then, laughing.

“Hi,” Gary said with a smile.

“Hi yourself.”

Gary glanced at Spock. “Hello, Spock. Nice to see you again.”

“Indeed, Mr. Mitchell. I believe I am your instructor in your first class.” 


	13. Chapter 13

“Oh, there you are, Jim. Thought you weren’t coming,” Montgomery Scott greeted Jim as he came to sit at the table in the cafeteria across from Scotty.

“Test ran longer than I thought.” Jim smiled. “How are you doing, Scotty?”

“Not too bad to be sure.”

“Where’s everyone else?” Jim asked, stirring sugar into his iced coffee. “I thought Bones and Christine were coming.”

“Said they’d be a wee bit late. Surprised Gary wasn’t with you.”

Jim shrugged. “He said he had to study.”

“Gary? Never seemed much like the studying type.”

“I think it’s because Spock’s his teacher now.”

“Did I hear my name?” Spock asked, from directly behind Jim.

Jim turned around slightly to look at Spock, wearing his professor uniform, and definitely looking way hotter than he should.  

“Hey Spock.”

“May I join you?”

“Sure.” Jim watched as Spock sat directly next to him, even though the table was large and there were many other seats available. “Scotty, this is Spock. This is Montgomery Scott but he prefers Scotty.”

“Mr. Scott,” Spock said flatly.

“Hello, Spock. Jim’s told us a lot about you.”

Spock arched a brow. “Indeed. And I have done quite a bit of research on you.”

“What?” Scotty asked, his eyes squinting.

Jim laughed. “Spock’s always kidding around. Don’t pay any attention to him, Scotty.”

Spock glanced at Jim. “I am not—”

Jim covered Spock’s hand with his and squeezed, which caused Spock to instantly still. There was a kind of electric jump, like a shock, and Spock’s hand pulsed. Weird. Didn’t feel at all like their usual family link. Jim moved his hand off just as he spotted Bones and Christine coming toward them carrying food trays.

Bones eyed Spock dispassionately, but he sat down and Christine sat next to him.

“Hey, Bones, Christine,” Jim said with a smile.

“Jim, this must be your brother, Spock,” Christine said with a welcoming smile. She pushed her blonde hair behind her ear. “It’s nice to meet you, Spock. I’m Christine Chapel.”

“I am aware of who you are, Ms. Chapel, as well as Dr. McCoy. I have researched all of Jim’s acquaintances.”

Bones rolled his eyes. “Jim told me about you. And that you researched all of us. A little bit excessive, don’t you think?”

“I do not. Vulcans are protective of their families,” Spock replied.

Bones stared at him, and then switched his gaze to Jim. “Spock gonna be joining us a lot, Jim?”

“Leonard,” Christine chided. “Be nice.”

“I’m being nice,” Bones muttered.

Jim cleared his throat. “I’m sure Spock will be far too busy to join us every time.”

Christine smiled at Spock. “How’s the teaching going?”

“I am finding it fascinating although not particularly challenging,” Spock replied.

Bones snorted.

Jim widened his eyes at his friend and tried to kick him under the table, but it did no good.

“I’ve been talking to Gary,” Bones said, scowling at Jim, “and he said you’re impossible to please.”

“Only for incompetent students.”

Jim winced. “Uh, come on, Spock. That’s not fair.”

“Are you unfair to Gary, Spock?” Bones asked pointedly.

Spock arched a brow. “Why would I be, doctor?”

“Because he’s Jim’s boyfriend.”

“I do not play favorites, doctor.”

Bones scoffed. “Oh I am sure Gary’s not your favorite.”

“Bones,” Jim warned.

“I would not allow any personal relationship either with myself or my family to interfere with my impartiality, doctor,” Spock said stiffly.

“I am sure you wouldn’t,” Christine said with another smile. She turned to Bones. “Behave yourself.”

“The course is difficult for most cadets, I agree. But hardly impossible. Jim would have no trouble with the course. Nor would any Vulcan.”

“Jim’s not Vulcan,” Bones said.

“He was raised as one.”

“Guys can we change the subject. Spock isn’t being too rough on Gary or anyone else,” Jim said.

Scotty finished his coffee. “I’ve got to be going anyway.” He stood.

“Me, too,” Bones announced. “I’ve got a test to study for.”

Bones and Christine stood too and a few minutes later Jim and Spock were alone.

“Sorry about that,” Jim said to Spock. “Bones has been friends with Gary for a few years. Even before I came along. He didn’t mean anything.”

“There is no offense where none is taken.” Spock inclined his head. “What are your plans now?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “Go back to the apartment I guess.”

“I will accompany you.”

“You don’t have anything else to do first?”

“Negative. I was going to go home but stopped for tea when I saw you sitting here. Was my presence unwelcome by you?”

Jim smiled and shook his head. “Of course not. I never mind spending time with you and you don’t need permission.”

Spock nodded. “Shall we?”

They began the walk off the campus and toward the apartment. Every once in a while Spock glanced his way.

Finally Jim said, “What?”

“You do not believe I am being harder on Mitchell than other students?”

“Of course not. You are tough, but fair. I know you. You’re my…brother.”

“We are not brothers by blood,” Spock replied.

“No. True.”

Spock glanced his way again. “And we are friends, also.”

Were they? Jim wasn’t sure. Sometimes, growing up, the older Spock hadn’t seemed to want much to do with younger human Jim.

He bit his lip. “Yeah, we are. Look, Spock, I owe you an apology.”

Spock’s steps faltered slightly. “An apology?”

“We need to talk.” Jim stopped. Looked around. “But not on the street. And not back at the apartment.”

“The park?” Spock suggested pointing toward the park half a block down from their position.

They didn’t speak again until they were in the park and seated on a bench.

Jim stared down at his twisted fingers as he tried to find the words. “It’s about your wedding day.”

“I do not understand.”

“I know. It’s just…I was confused. I acted hastily and I shouldn’t have said what I did that day or acted like I did. It wasn’t my intention to ruin the day for you, even though that’s what I did,” Jim said, his breath hitching a little. “I’m sorry. Everything I said was wrong. I know that now.”

“Wrong?” Spock repeated softly.

Jim nodded quickly. “Yeah. Like I said I was just confused and being selfish. I’m sorry. I hope you can forgive me.”

He didn’t look at Spock. He could not. If he did, Spock might be able to see that Jim loved him. Loved him still. But he had to make this right with Spock. Make Spock see that he was his brother and friend. He could be that for Spock. Only.

“You owe me no apology, Jim, but I accept your apology nonetheless.”

Jim smiled. “Thanks, Spock.”

“Now, I wish to bring up a potentially unpleasant subject.”

Feeling he had himself under reasonable control, Jim looked at Spock. “Oh?”

“I wish to bring up your relationship with Gary Mitchell.”

Jim frowned. “What about it?”

“It is not my intention to interfere with your interpersonal relationships.”

“Uh-huh.”

Spock quirked an eyebrow. “However, I must continue to raise my doubts about his character.”

“Spock—”

“Jim, there is a …darkness I sense in him.”

“A darkness?” Jim shook his head. “There’s no darkness. I’ve been seeing him for months and the two of us are in love.” Never mind that Jim was not actually in love with Gary. He liked him. A lot. “He’s never done anything to give me any indication he’s anything other than a loving, caring boyfriend.”

Jim stood up.

“It’s getting late. Time to go back to the apartment.”

Spock nodded. “Very well. As you wish.”

Spock fell in step beside Jim but Jim felt tension from Spock and almost a hint of…disappointment. Weird. He was psi-null so he couldn’t be getting Spock’s feelings.

****

Spock was in pain. It wasn’t physical, exactly. Although it did cause him some stomach upset. But it was mental and emotional torment. No amount of meditation was helping either, so he gave it up and stumbled to his feet.

Jim was with Gary in an intimate sense and Spock felt it. Felt anguish. It had gotten so much worse since Spock had come to Earth. The close proximity to his mate was no doubt the cause.

Spock clenched his fists and closed his eyes. When would it be over?

There was a light tap at his door.

He forced a breath out. “Enter.”

The door opened and his mother stood there. “I thought I heard you up.”

“Yes, I…I am having trouble sleeping.”

She frowned and came into the room. “Spock, what’s wrong? You look very pale.”

“I am experiencing distress,” he admitted.

“Do you need a doctor?”

Spock shook his head. “Negative. I am not ill.”

Mother touched his arm. “What then? What do you need?”

“I do not know.” That was not exactly true. He needed his mate. But he was not prepared to tell anyone of Jim’s connection to him.

“Spock, you’re scaring me,” Mother said.

Control. He must get control.

“Would you bring me some tea?” he managed to ask.

“That will help?”

“Yes.”

She bit her lip. “All right.”

When she left his room, Spock massaged his temples. The intimacy between his mate and Gary Mitchell had at last ended. That had been a particularly bad episode. How would he handle the next?


	14. Chapter 14

Spock was up sitting in the living room of the apartment with only one very small light on when Jim came home.

He’d opened the door and closed it, but then sort of staggered against it.

“You have been drinking.”

Jim started, turned toward Spock. “Uh, sorry. Didn’t know anyone was up.”

“I was having trouble obtaining peaceful sleep. You are inebriated.”

Jim walked over to where Spock sat with a mug of tea and plopped down on the couch next to him. “Yeah. There was this party.”

Spock sniffed and then narrowed his eyes. “You have also taken illicit drugs.”

Jim shrugged. “Maybe. There was all kinds of shit at that party.”

“Your speech continues to deteriorate.”

“I’m just trying to fit in,” Jim said. “This is my life now. Here on Earth where I was born.”

“I see.”

“No you don’t.” Jim sighed. “I’m not trying to dismiss my family or my Vulcan upbringing. I appreciate everything I was given by Amanda and Sarek. But life is different here. And I’ll be going into space with humans and other species too and I’m just trying to—”

“Fit in.”

“Yes,” Jim said through gritted teeth.

“I cannot help but believe that illegal Orion stimulants is not the wisest course, nevertheless,” Spock said quietly.

“It’s hard to be the different one,” Jim said. “I know you know some of that being half-human, but I was entirely human on Vulcan.”

“Were you mistreated?”

“No, not really. But there were some who didn’t like me. Even Stonn and T’Pring at first didn’t want anything to do with me.”

“Yet they later became your friends and champions. Because you won them over.”

“Right. And that’s all I’m trying to do here, Spock. When I first got here everyone thought I was the weird one.” Jim licked his lips. “It was like Vulcan all over again.”

“I understand this, Jim, however, I am concerned with some of the influences you seem to be under.”

“You mean Gary.”

Spock inclined his head. “Were you not at this social event with Mitchell tonight?”

“Yes. But he doesn’t control me, Spock. I make up my own mind.”

“I do not believe he practices mind control over you, however, I do believe in an effort to fit into his world you are making questionable choices.”

Jim sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “You aren’t my father.”

“Imagining myself as your father is about as far from how I see you as possible, Jim.”

“Then stop acting like it. You’re worse than Sa-mekh.”

“It is not my intention to be at cross purposes with you,” Spock replied. “Do you wish tea?”

Jim nodded. “Yeah, let me get a cup.”

He went out to the kitchen and returned with a small teacup which looked tiny and delicate in Jim’s big hands. He handed it to Spock who filled it with tea from his teapot.

“What?” Jim asked.

“It has only recently come to my attention how much you have grown up,” Spock admitted.

“I’m not a kid anymore.”

“You definitely are not.” Almost against his will, Spock moved his hand to cover Jim’s. The jolt of their bond was small as Spock had his shields very firmly in place and this time Jim seemed not to notice it or at the very least he chose not to comment on it. “Jim, I have done additional research on Gary Mitchell.”

“What? Spock—”

“Please, allow me to finish. Though he used extraordinary methods to hide his illegal activities, he spent time incarcerated on the mining colony, Janus VI.”

Jim frowned. “Mining colony?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

Spock shook his head. “I have not yet been able to discover that. But the fact that he has not told you of it leads me to believe it is a more serious matter than his other conviction.”

“Spock, you need to stop.”

“I am concerned—”

“I _know_ you are, but this is my life. You can’t keep investigating everyone I know to see if it’s okay for me to know them, Spock. That’s…that’s just crazy.”

“You are of utmost importance to me,” Spock said quietly.

“I know. We’re family. I get that. And I really do appreciate that you care about me, but you’re-you’re making me nuts with this stuff. Gary is fine. My relationship with him is fine. I can take care of myself, Spock. I really can.”

Jim looked so desperate and so determined, that Spock blew out a breath and strengthened his shields again. They were being battered by Jim’s distress.

Spock was no longer sure what he should do. Jim had expressed love for him once—romantic love— when he was about to marry Nyota, but now Jim denied those feelings, instead claiming to have been confused. And it was possible that their tenuous bond had confused Jim enough for him to think his feelings toward Spock were amorous when in fact they were not.

But Spock now knew that his feelings for Jim had changed. They had been changing for some time and he had simply not recognized it until it was too late. However, if Jim did not have romantic feelings for him and instead wanted to be with Gary Mitchell, perhaps it was wrong for Spock to interfere.

“Very well,” Spock said after a time. “I will attempt to quell my misgivings for the time being.”

That earned him a tremulous smile from Jim.

“Thank you, Spock. I swear if there’s anything wrong, I’ll tell you. All right?”

“Yes, Jim.”

Jim yawned. “God, I’m so tired. And I have an early class. Do you mind if I go to bed or do you want me to stay up with you?”

“You may retire.”

Jim stood, still swaying a bit on his feet. “Thank you, Spock. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Jim.”

After Jim left, Spock noticed the tremor in his hands was getting worse. The bond was yearning for its other half. Spock was yearning. If the pain running through him got any worse he would have to consult a Vulcan healer about ways to control it. Even his ability to meditate had been affected. It was becoming harder and harder to quell the need for his mate. 


	15. Chapter 15

Jim frowned at the sign posted on his favorite vegetarian restaurant. “Closed for health code violations.”

“What?” Gary said in surprise. “They always seemed so clean.”

“Yeah. I guess you never really know. Where do we go now?”

“I guess we can go to any restaurant, really. You’ll just have to choose a vegetarian meal from the menu.”

“I guess. It’s just…damn. I really liked this place.”

“Jim, Mitchell, an unexpected pleasure,” Spock said, suddenly appearing in front of Jim and Gary.

Jim blinked. “Oh, hey, Spock.”

Spock glanced at the restaurant. “Ah, I had heard about the code violations. How unfortunate.”

“Definitely. Gary and I were going to have dinner and then see a movie.”

Spock nodded. “An excellent plan. I was actually headed to a vegetarian restaurant I discovered since my arrival in San Francisco. I believe you will find the offerings to your liking, Jim.”

“Oh.” Jim smiled. He noticed the sharp glance sent his way by Gary, but he ignored it. “Sounds like a plan. You don’t mind, do you, Gary?”

For a moment, judging by the mulish expression on Gary’s face, he had every intention of minding, but then he flashed a smile. “Of course not. We’d be delighted.”

Spock led the way several blocks from their family’s apartment and the other restaurant that had been closed. Finally he stopped in front of a small, intimate corner restaurant with low lighting and elegant furnishings.

Gary whispered to Jim, “It looks expensive.”

“You need not concern yourself with the expense, Mr. Mitchell,” Spock said coolly. “I will cover the cost.”

Jim smiled at Gary. “Vulcan hearing.”

A hostess brought them to a booth and Jim scooted in first. To Jim’s surprise, Spock scooted in next to him before Gary had a chance to, forcing Gary to sit across from Jim.

Spock seemed oblivious to Gary’s glare as the hostess handed them menus.

Jim cleared his throat and tried a smile in Gary’s direction, but Gary was still staring at Spock.

“How long are you going to be staying in San Francisco, Mr. Spock?” Gary asked. “You must miss Vulcan.”

“To prefer one planet over another would be illogical, Mr. Mitchell. Vulcans do not view such simple matters in the same sentimental ways humans do,” Spock said without looking up from his menu.

“Mm.” Gary rolled his eyes and lifted his menu up to his gaze.

“They have the tea you are particularly fond of, Jim,” Spock said, leaning over to point to an item on Jim’s menu.

Jim grinned. “Wow. I haven’t had that since I left Vulcan. I am definitely having that.”

“What is it?” Gary asked.

“Oh.” Jim said turning his attention back to Gary. “It’s a sort of smoky spicy tea. It’s got a very strong flavor. Since you don’t really like tea, I doubt you’d like it.”

“They have other beverages to choose from,” Spock said. “No doubt you will find something more to your liking.”

A waiter arrived for their drink order and both Jim and Spock ordered the tea, whereas Gary with a rather petulant look ordered coffee.

“Perhaps we should share item number twelve,” Spock said to Jim. “It seems to be too much food for only one.”

Jim glanced down to number twelve. It consisted of a number of Vulcan dishes they’d eaten often on Vulcan.

He smiled. “That sounds really good.”

“Is it enough for three?” Gary asked.

“Oh.” Jim frowned and read the description. “Um. Not really. But that’s okay. You and I can share something instead.”

Gary shook his head and smiled, but it was brittle. “No, no. You go ahead and share with Spock. I’m sure I can find something to my liking.”

Jim tried to keep the wince from his face. Okay, so Gary was jealous of the attention he was paying Spock. But he didn’t get to see that much of Spock and well…he was Spock. _Spock_. Who Jim was desperately, irrevocably in love with. Of course, Gary didn’t know that.

And Jim was starting to feel like a jerk.

****

“Thanks for dinner, Spock. That was fantastic,” Jim said, as they left the restaurant.

“I did believe you would enjoy it.”

“I did. And I wouldn’t have known about this place if our usual restaurant wasn’t closed.”

“Yes,” Gary murmured. “Convenient.”

“Huh?”

“I said that was inconvenient,” Gary said with a smile. “Well, time to go see the movie, so, I guess this is where we part ways, Spock.”

Spock’s eyebrow arched just a fraction. “What are you seeing? I have not seen a movie recently.”

“You could come with us,” Jim blurted out before he thought better of it. Actually before he noticed the murderous look on Gary’s face.

“Ah, thank you. I believe I will,” Spock said.

Just then, Gary’s communicator beeped. He pulled it out. “Oh, no.”

“What?” Jim asked with a frown.

“It’s work.” He flipped it open and stepped away from where they stood. “Yeah?”

Jim shivered a little.

“Are you cold?” Spock asked quietly.

“A little. I didn’t realize it had gotten so cold while we were inside.”

Spock removed his leather jacket and handed it to Jim. “Wear this.”

“But what about you?”

“I am wearing a sweater. You have only a light shirt on. It is fine, Jim.”

Jim slipped it on and tried not to inhale Spock’s scent right there. But good God. He was almost lightheaded from the nearness of Spock. With Spock’s coat on, Jim was surrounded by him.

“I have to go into work!” Gary said, returning to them. “They’re shorthanded.” He narrowed his eyes at Jim in Spock’s coat.

“How unfortunate,” Spock murmured.

“Yeah, unfortunate is one word.” Gary grimaced. “I’m sorry, baby.”

Jim smiled. “Can’t be helped.” He leaned over and kissed Gary softly on the lips. Gary pulled him close and increased the length and pressure of the kiss. Finally Gary stepped back.

“Good night, Mr. Mitchell,” Spock said. “I will see you in class.”

“Yeah. Lucky me. See you tomorrow, Jim.” And then Gary walked away toward the direction they’d come.

“Want to still see the movie?” Jim asked. He didn’t know why but his heart rate had increased and it seemed as though Spock was suddenly standing much closer to him than he had a moment ago.

“That would be agreeable.” Spock’s hands came up and grabbed the collar of the leather jacket. He straightened it. “There. That is the way it is supposed to be worn.”

Jim licked his chapped lips. “Yeah. Thanks.” He took another step closer to Spock. Now there was no space between them. Somehow his hand now rested on Spock’s chest, though he couldn’t remember putting it there. “Are you…are you sure you’re all right in just your sweater?”

“I am not cold.”

“No?”

Spock shook his head. “I am warm.” His hand rose to Jim’s jaw, his thumb grazing just under Jim’s bottom lip.

“Spock—”

Three people came out of the restaurant laughing and talking loudly. It broke the spell and Jim stepped away, putting distance between him and Spock.

“Okay. That movie. Let’s go.”

Spock’s eyes were a little unfocused but he nodded. “Very well.” 


	16. Chapter 16

When Jim fell asleep half way through the movie with his head on Spock’s shoulder, he could have awakened the younger man. Or even perhaps shifted away so that Jim’s head rested on the seat instead of on Spock with such intimacy.

He did neither of those.

In fact, Spock illogically wished for the movie to go on for far more hours than it was so that he could continue to have Jim use him as a pillow.

Spock had never had his t’hy’la rest upon him before. He had never had anyone do so. During his brief intimacy with Nyota she had never wished to avail herself of either Spock’s shoulder or chest. Spock had not minded, either, for he did not expect to get any satisfaction from such a gesture.

He had been wrong.

Jim lying on him this way was something he found far more endearing than he should. Even though Jim belonged to Spock in a way Jim did not even know, Spock had to remind himself that Jim was currently someone else’s boyfriend. Something Spock found most unpleasant.

He did not trust and he did not care one bit for Gary Mitchell, but Spock was logical enough to admit that he would not like anyone Jim was sleeping with. Before he’d realized what Jim was to him, Spock had never had to deal with the reality of Jim having a boyfriend. On Vulcan, Jim had been occupied with his studies and any socialization was done with his family and those his family trusted.

Spock very much suspected now that had Jim had a particular friend of such nature on Vulcan, Spock would have not been pleased. He now realized, very much too late, what Jim must have felt with his relationship with Nyota.

The movie ended, Spock had not watched any of it once Jim chose him as a pillow, and the lights went up. Jim stirred instantly, lashes lifting to reveal the startling blue. He straightened quickly and blinked rapidly at Spock, his skin flushing red.

“Sorry.” Jim rubbed his eyes. “I fell asleep?”

“Indeed. The movie was not riveting.”

“I guess not. Hope I didn’t snore.”

He had, actually, very softly, and illogically, Spock had been fascinated, for he did not recall Jim snoring as a child. But he did not reply and Jim seemed not to notice.

“If you have no objection there is a coffee and tea shop not far from this theater that is open late. I thought perhaps a stop there would be pleasant.”

“Okay. Sure.” Jim stood first, swaying just a little, and Spock instantly steadied him with a hand on his hipbone. Jim turned redder still. “Sorry.”

Spock dropped his hand and stood. “An apology is not necessary.”

He led the way out of the auditorium, but before they left the building Jim stopped to use the restroom. Spock then directed them to the coffee and tea shop.

Jim smiled as they entered. “I’ve never been here. I’ve been in San Francisco months longer than you and yet you seem to know more of its secrets.”

“I have had time to explore since I am only teaching one course. You are attending several courses.”

“That’s true. And I tend to go to places Gary or Bones are familiar with.”

Spock wisely chose not to respond to that and instead directed Jim to a small table by a window. “Have you developed a taste for coffee now that you are on Earth, Jim?”

“Not really. I’ve had a few cups when I’ve been offered, but my preference is still tea.”

“I have noticed you have not eaten meat.”

Jim shook his head. “Definitely not. I do miss some of the dishes we had on Vulcan. There are a few places here who serve native dishes but, I don’t know, they aren’t quite the same to me.”

“Agreed.” Spock picked up the very small menu. “If you will permit, I will choose us a tea since I am familiar with their offerings.”

Jim smiled and waved his hand. “Sure. You know what I like.”

Spock got up from the table, went to the counter and ordered a pot of tea and two cups for them. He returned a few minutes later and placed it in front of Jim.

“It smells good.”

“Jim, may I make a query?”

“Yes.”

“Forgive my lack of finesse in this situation, but I am concerned for your welfare.”

Jim raised both eyebrows even as he accepted the steaming cup of tea Spock handed to him. “All right.”

“How often do you indulge in Orion stimulants?”

“What?” Jim shook his head. “Um. That is not what I thought you were going to ask about.”

“What did you think my query was?”

“Never mind. Doesn’t matter. Not that often. Just at a few parties.”

“Are there other stimulants?”

“Not that I know of.” Jim shrugged. “They aren’t any big deal. Most I just feel…” He stopped, turned red again.

“What?”

“I don’t know, Spock. Kind of…turned on. And maybe a little lightheaded.”

Spock pursed his lips. “I see.”

“I know you don’t approve.”

“It is true I would prefer that you refrain from putting synthetic substances in your body.”

Jim smiled. “So you would approve if it was all natural?”

Spock opened his mouth and then closed it. He shook his head. “No.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“My concern is always for you,” Spock said quietly. “I would see no harm come to you.”

“I know.” Jim put his hand on Spock’s and unprepared as Spock was for the sudden contact, the bond sparked at the touch, hot and volatile. His mind reached out for Jim’s before Spock could get control. Jim’s eyes widened. “Spock?”

Spock turned his hand over until their palms touched. Their fingers touched. In a Vulcan kiss. It was not lost on Jim. His gaze flew to Spock’s.

“What is that? That’s not normal,” Jim whispered.

“It is for us.”


	17. Chapter 17

“Us?” Jim repeated as Spock stared down at their hands. He did not move his hand away from Spock’s. He welcomed the heat, the tingly feeling, the realization that Spock was kissing him, fully knowing what he was doing.

Spock’s gaze rose from their still touching hands to Jim’s face. “It is…difficult to explain.”

“Try me.”

“We are t’hy’la.”

Leave it to Spock to just blurt it out like that, blunt and uncompromising.

“T’hy’la is—”

“I know what t’hy’la is. I was raised on Vulcan, remember?”

Spock nodded slowly. “Yes.”

Jim swallowed but did not look away from Spock’s gaze. It was impossible. Those Vulcan dark eyes drew him in, capturing him. There was just a tiny bit of movement from their connected fingers and Jim realized Spock was ever so slightly stroking the tips of their fingers together. It sent a jolt of sexual excitement right to Jim’s groin.

“How long have you known this, Spock?”

“Before I left Vulcan.”

“And that’s why you couldn’t bond with Nyota,” Jim said with a nod. “Right?”

“That is correct. Our link was already in place.”

“Yeah, it would have been.”

Spock was still caressing Jim’s fingers. “You are not surprised?”

“Not entirely,” Jim admitted. “It makes some sort of sense given all that has gone on since you decided to marry Nyota.”

“Jim, I did not know. I never would have married her had I known.”

“I’m sure. But you might have known if you hadn’t dismissed me so easily.” Jim sighed. “I don’t mean on your wedding day. That was my mistake. I can only say that I had this overwhelming urge to tell you how I felt. Perhaps the bond, I don’t know. But even before that, there were clues we both should have seen. “

Spock inclined his head. “Agreed. And for that I owe you an apology.”

Jim shook his head and moved his hand away at last. “We’ve both made mistakes, Spock. We cannot change the past. Kaiidth.”

“That is true. I must ask now if you will accept my regard,” Spock said quietly.

“Is that what you want?”

“You cannot pretend you failed to notice the feelings evoked by our kiss.”

“Spock—”

“Jim. I know you likely believe it is our t’hy’la bond that brings these feelings to me, but that is not correct. They have, perhaps, brought them to the surface. But you know enough about Vulcan and our bonds to know practically speaking it does not bring to light emotions that did not previously exist.”

Jim bit his lip and nodded. “Yeah.”

“Have your romantic feelings changed toward me?”

He reached for Spock’s hand and curled his fingers around Spock’s palm. “You feel that. I know you do.”

Spock exhaled. “I am relieved. You had implied you were mistaken in the depths of your feelings.”

“I was trying to move on from you Spock. You didn’t return my feelings.”

“I do.”

Jim sighed. “But you didn’t let me know that until just now.” And now that they were touching the depth of their mutual love was almost too much to feel. He felt like his whole body was one big nerve ending of electricity. Even now his mind was reaching for Spock’s and Spock’s for his. They were holding back, both of them, for this was still so new and a little frightening.

“Given what you now know of us, I am concerned with your relationship with Gary Mitchell,” Spock said. He had threaded his fingers with Jim’s now, their palms touching.

“God…Gary. And here I am making out with you.” Jim grimaced. “I don’t want to hurt him.”

“Jim—”

“Spock, I know. I’ll tell him. I have to. I know this changes everything between me and him. And you and me.”

Spock nodded. “Ashaya, though our teachings are that regret is illogical, I cannot help but regret the hurt I have obviously caused you.”

“I do wish we could have figured this out before it hurt another person,” Jim said. “Gary hasn’t done anything wrong, but he’s going to be hurt by this anyway.”

“If you would prefer I talk to him—”

“Oh, hell no.” Jim released Spock’s hand again. “I’ll talk to Gary. You’d only make things worse.”

“I would not,” Spock said stiffly.

“Yeah, you would. I’ll take care of it. And we should probably return home or they’ll worry about us.”

They stood and exited the coffee and tea shop and made their way back toward the hotel.

They were mostly quiet on their walk home, each lost in their thoughts. Jim was finding it a little hard to believe that what he’d wanted for most of his teenaged years and now young adult life he might actually finally have the chance to have…Spock. He’d given up ever having that. Part of him wondered if this was a dream and he’d wake up to realize he wasn’t Spock’s t’hy’la.

Spock stepped into Jim’s room when they got to their apartment. He walked up to where Jim stood and even before Spock tilted his head Jim knew what was coming. Knew he had to have it. Craved it. Always had, really. Felt like it anyway.

Jim’s fingers itched to grab Spock’s collar to pull him closer, so he could just go right in and kiss Spock. Completely go for it.

Spock’s eyes widened slightly and Jim knew then that Spock had gotten his stray thought and before he could react, Spock’s fingers snaked into Jim’s collar and he was pulled up against Spock with startling violence.

And then Spock’s lips were on his, pressing deep, almost bruising in their intensity. He found himself against the wall, his own arms around Spock’s neck, before he even realized what he was doing.

Their tongues touched and someone moaned. Jim thought maybe it was both of them. His groin tightened. His fingers flexed and pressed against Spock’s throat. He felt himself being lifted and then he was no longer touching the floor and he wrapped his legs around Spock’s waist. Damn Vulcan strength.

Spock’s tongue thrust deep into his mouth and Jim sucked it deeper still. The hard ridge of Spock’s erection pressed against him. Lust, powerful and potent, overwhelming in its intensity, flitted across his mind, and he knew it came from Spock, and Jim returned it.

Spock growled, and then suddenly reversed their tongues until Jim’s tongue was sucked into Spock’s mouth, almost painfully. A hand covered his crotch and Jim’s eyes rolled back.

Desperately, he pulled back, pulled away, panting heavily. “Spock.”

“Ashaya,” Spock said, trying to return to kissing him.

“No. No, Spock. We can’t.” He pushed at Spock’s immovable chest.

Spock blinked, his eyes unfocused.

Jim would have laughed if he wasn’t just as turned on as Spock was. “I have a boyfriend.”

Spock stared at him. “But…I thought—”

And his Vulcan looked so vulnerable then that Jim had to kiss him. But he made it brief, even as Spock tried to deepen the kiss. “No, I know.” Jim touched his fingertips to Spock’s kiss swollen lips. “It’s just…I can’t. Not until I tell Gary it’s over. I’m not that kind of guy who can cheat now and confess later.”

Spock closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against Jim. Jim could feel Spock’s heartbeat thundering in his side. “As you wish.”

“It’s not. What I wish. You feel me. You have to know I’m just as affected by this as you are. More maybe.”

Spock shook his head. “I doubt that.”

Jim did laugh then but it came out breathless. “God, you have no idea.”

“What?”

“How much I want this. You. Everything.”

“You have me,” Spock said softly. He gently lowered Jim to the floor and released his hold on him. Jim felt bereft, illogically of course. “I will retire to my own room.”

“I’m sorry,” Jim said, and meant it.

“Do not be. I will wait for you, t’hy’la.”

Jim’s heart leapt and it took everything he had not to maul Spock right then. He smiled instead. “Goodnight, Spock.”

“Goodnight, Jim.”

When the door closed behind Spock, Jim went to it and touched his hand to the door. He almost called after Spock. But he knew he was doing the right thing by waiting. And he and Spock would have the rest of their lives. 


	18. Chapter 18

“Mother.”

Mother looked up from her tea and toast, her typical breakfast, to smile at Spock as he approached her in the dining room of the apartment. “Good morning, Spock.”

“Good morning. May I speak with you?”

“Of course.” She gestured to the chair next to her. “You’re up later than I expected. Jim left ten minutes ago.”

“I have been up but meditating.”

She smiled. “I should have known. What’s on your mind, Spock?”

“As I understand the question the answer would be Jim.”

Mother brought over an empty teacup and lifted her teapot toward it. “Tea?”

“Please.”

He waited until she had poured the tea and then set the pot on the table. “Jim and I are bonded. Outside of the familial bond we all share.”

Her expression did not change from the mildly curious one she wore before. “I see. And when did this happen?”

“It is estimated by T’Pau that likely our minds connected when we were still children.”

“Oh.” Her eyes widened. “It’s that kind of bond?”

“Affirmative.”

She lifted the teacup to her lips and sipped. “That certainly explains a lot. Does Jim know?”

“I have informed him.” Spock hesitated. “Under the circumstances he intends to end his relationship with Gary Mitchell.”

“Hmm.” Mother sipped her tea again. Spock did not care for the way she had said _hmm_.

“Clarify.”

“What about Nyota? Have you informed her?”

“She was aware I was already bonded and that was why we could not bond. Our separation was assured at that point. Our union will need to be officially dissolved.”

“Of course,” Mother agreed. “It’s unfortunate she had to be hurt in these circumstances through no fault of her own.”

“Agreed.”

“And Gary…” She sighed. “What about Jim?”

“What about him?” he asked cautiously.

“Are you certain this is what Jim wants?” Mother put down her cup. “I don’t mean that he wishes to be with Gary. He advised me of his doubts on that before.”

“Then may I inquire as to your meaning?”

“Even though Jim was raised on Vulcan, Spock, he is still human with significant human emotions.”

“I am aware of that. The day of my wedding he shed tears.”

“Yes. I had hoped that Jim would have someone more similar to himself as a partner.”

Spock stiffened. “You, yourself, are married to a Vulcan.”

“Yes, and as much as I adore your father, there are times when it can be very difficult for me,” Mother admitted. “It was a large adjustment. It’s true, however, that Jim had the benefit of being raised on Vulcan among Vulcans that I did not have.”

“I would never ask for Jim to be something he is not capable of. I care for him as he is.”

She smiled. “I know you care for him, Spock. I have never doubted that. But Jim has a romantic soul and I believe he needs someone who wishes a romantic relationship with him to thrive.”

“That is what I intend to have with Jim.”

“Oh? Are you certain? Jim prefers male company, something you have never preferred to my knowledge and it was my understanding that you viewed him as a brother only. Has that changed?”

Spock felt himself growing warm and he very much suspected he was blushing. But when he had set out to discuss his bond with Jim with Mother he had not anticipate the conversation would go in that direction.

“Yes.”

“Are you certain?”

“Quite certain. However, I do not wish to discuss something so very personal with our mother.”

Mother laughed, but it was not a mocking laugh at Spock’s expense. It was gentle and warm. “You are right, Spock. I am sorry. That is certainly between the two of you. I am just concerned for Jim.”

“I am gratified, but I assure you I do not enter into this bonded relationship with Jim without a great deal of thought. Jim still has amorous feelings for me.”

“That must have been a relief for you.”

“Yes.”

“Very well, Spock. If it is what both of you want, then I am completely happy and pleased for you both. Have you advised your father?”

“Negative. I sought you out first.”

She picked up her teacup once more. “You wish me to break the news to him, don’t you?”

“I…yes.”

“All right,” she agreed with a nod. “But you must know he will be speaking with you both about it.”

Spock nodded. “I am prepared.”

Her smile was serene. “Oh, I very much doubt that.”

****

“So, you’re really going to do this?”

Jim winced at Bones’ question. Yeah, he was. But he was nervous as it was, really. He didn’t have anything to be nervous about exactly. He just didn’t want to hurt Gary.

Jim was seated with Bones at a small café having breakfast. He had texted Bones to meet him. Alone without Christine. He adored Christine, but this wasn’t the kind of thing you talked about to your best friend’s girl. Or Jim didn’t think so anyway. And when did Bones become his best friend? Jim didn’t know, really. He just was. It was hard now to think of a time when he didn’t know Bones.

“Hello, Jim. You in there?” Bones was waving his hand over Jim’s face.

“Sorry. It’s just…yeah. I am.”

“To be with Spock.”

“Yes.” Which immediately set Jim’s heart racing. He’d wanted to be with Spock for so long it was hard to believe that was all coming true. Part of Jim expected to wake up and find out he’d dreamt it all.

Bones sighed. “And this is what you want, Jim?”

“You know it is. I told you about Spock pretty early on, remember?”

“Yeah. I thought, I don’t know, maybe you’d get over him and fall for Gary.”

“I’m sorry, Bones. I know Gary’s your friend. Was your friend before you met me.”

“I don’t compare my friends that way, Jim. Gary’s my friend but I want what’s best for you, what you want, and if that’s Spock, well, then I accept that, Gary or not.”

“That’s why you’re the best.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Jim bit his lip. “It’s just…I’ve never had to do this before. I’m not a heart breaker, Bones.”

Bones stared at him and shook his head. “Uh, yeah, you are, kid. You may not know it, but you are.”

“What does that mean?”

“You’re gorgeous, Jim. And part of your appeal is you don’t seem to know it. You break hearts all around you without even knowing.”

“Geez, Bones. Are you in love with me too?” Jim teased.

Bones rolled his eyes. “You wish. Gary’s pretty hung up on you, kid. I’m not gonna lie. But he’ll get over it. He’s an adult. He’ll move on and find someone new.”

Jim looked at his watch. “Okay. I have to do this.”

“Where are you meeting him?”

“The dorm room.”

“You sure about that?”

“Well, I don’t want to do it in public.”

“True,” Bones said. “I just think a more neutral location would have been better.”

“Like where?” Jim asked.

Bones grimaced. “I don’t know. You want me to be there?”

Jim stared at him. “If Christine dumped you would you want her friend there with you?”

“Wait, what? Is Christine going to dump me?”

Jim sighed. “No.”

“Then why did you even say that?”

“Shut up, Bones. You’re giving me a headache.” Jim smiled. “I appreciate it, Bones. Really. I know you’re just looking out for me. I was lucky you got assigned as my roommate when I came here.”

“Yeah, you were,” Bones agreed with a smirk. “You were a fish out of water, kid. Coming to Earth was a big move for you, wasn’t it?”

Jim nodded. “I had to do something. Spock was marrying Nyota Uhura and all I knew was I had to be somewhere else. I miss Vulcan, though. It’ll always be home.”

“A planet full of hobgoblins.”

Jim laughed. “I have a thing for hobgoblins.”

“I know. You’d better go, kid. And good luck. Let me know how you are after, all right?”

“I will, Bones.” Jim got up from the table in the café and headed to the dorm room Gary shared with Bones.

He was almost to the dorm when Spock contacted him. He stopped underneath a tree.

“Hey.”

“Where are you?” Spock asked.

“I’m outside Gary’s dorm room. I’m meeting him in a couple of minutes.”

“You are anxious.”

“Yeah. Wouldn’t you be?” Jim thought about it. “Weren’t you when you had to talk with Nyota?”

“It was not a pleasant conversation,” Spock admitted. “Please let me know when you are coming home.”

“All right. Talk soon.” He flipped his communicator closed and took a deep breath, ready to go and talk to Gary.


	19. Chapter 19

Jim was nervous as he approached his old dorm room now shared by Bones and Gary. He’d never broken up with anyone before. Of course Gary was really his first and only relationship. And somehow that made it all worse.

He cared about Gary. He did. And maybe if there had never been a Spock, then Gary would have been who he loved. But Spock had been a fixture of Jim’s life since he could remember, really.

Jim knocked on the door and less than a minute later, Gary was standing there in the open doorway.

“Hi,” Jim said as casually as he could.

Gary smiled. “Hi, baby. Come on in.”

Gary greeted him with a long, lingering kiss and since Jim didn’t really want to shove him away, he allowed it, even while feeling disquiet along the bond.

“I’m so glad you wanted to see me,” Gary said, grabbing his hand and pulling him fully into the room. He closed the door.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck_.

“Sorry about last night,” Gary was saying. “Can’t believe I got called into work. How was the rest of the night with Spock? Did he spend the night lecturing you?”

“Uh, not exactly. Listen, can we sit?”

“Sure, sure,” Gary said, pulling Jim close. “First I want to fuck you. It seems like it’s been forever.”

Jim pulled away. “We really need to talk.”

“Talk later.” Gary reached for him.

Jim put out his hand, touching Gary’s chest. “No, now.”

Gary narrowed his eyes but nodded. “All right.”

Jim went to the little dining table in the room where he and Bones had had most of their meals. It was just a little round table with two chairs.

When they were both seated, Jim looked straight into Gary’s eyes. “I really don’t know how to say this.”

“What?”

“Gary, you’ve been great. Incredible. Meeting you has been…definitely one of the best things that ever happened to me.”

Gary sucked in a breath. “You’re breaking up with me.”

Jim sunk his teeth into his bottom lip. “I’m-I’m sorry.”

“But why?”

This part was tricky. Well, hell, the whole thing was terrible. Jim’s chest ached and he could only imagine how Gary must be feeling.

“I haven’t always been honest with you,” Jim admitted. “The reason I left Vulcan was because of Spock.”

“Spock?”

“I was in love with him.”

Gary stared at him. “He’s why you’re breaking up with me. He wants you now.”

There was no point in denying it. And yeah, it was maybe a little more complicated than that, but it was essentially true.

“Yes.”

“You know, since I met that bastard I thought he wanted you. Fuck.” Gary shook his head. “And last night? I bet that was all part of his plan. Did he seduce you? Did you let him fuck you?”

“No. No way. I would never do that. Not while you and I were supposed to be together.”

Gary closed his eyes and swallowed, his Adam’s apple sliding up and down his throat. “Is there—is there anything I can say to change your mind?” He opened his eyes, and there was pleading there. “I’m crazy about you. I know Spock can’t give you what I can. He doesn’t even feel. Not like I do. If you’d just give me a chance—”

Jim shook his head. “We share a bond.”

“A bond? He Vulcan bonded to you?”

“Yes.”

“So he’s in your head? That’s it. He’s probably manipulating you.”

“No, he’s not. Gary, I know this is hard. Hard for both of us—”

Gary snorted. “Hard for you? Really? _You’re_ dumping _me_. How the hell is it hard for you? You aren’t the one having your heart crushed and having the guy of your dreams choose some unfeeling robot over you.”

Jim decided to ignore the insult to Spock. Gary was hurt, so it was understandable. Even if Gary clearly didn’t understand Vulcans at all. And most especially Spock.

“I never intended to hurt you. I really care for you.”

“Care for me,” Gary repeated. “I think for as long as I live if I never have someone tell me they _‘care for me’_ I’ll be happy.”

Jim nodded, his heart pounding hard in his too tight chest. “I don’t know what else to say.”

“I guess there’s nothing else to say,” Gary said. “You’ve made up your mind.”

“Yeah,” Jim whispered. He stood up and so did Gary.

“Look,” Gary said after an awkward moment of them both just standing there. “I’ll always love you, so…so if you ever find that Spock can’t give you what you need, you’ll know where to find me.”

“Gary—”

“I know,” he interrupted. “I just wanted to put that out there. Cause it’s true.” Gary looked around the dorm. “I guess I’ll have to find another place.”

“You don’t have to. You and Bones are friends.”

“Yeah. But the truth is, Jim, I’m not going to want to see you for a long time,” Gary admitted. “And I know you two are close. I don’t want you to lose his friendship because of me. Because no matter how much I think you’re making a mistake with Spock, I just want you to be happy.” Gary blew out a breath. “More than anything.”

Jim felt his eyes sting. He wanted to say he was sorry again, but it sounded so trite and ridiculous. He hated that he was taking Gary’s friend away from him, too. Life could be so fucking unfair.

He got to the door and then he turned to Gary. “I’ll always—”

“Yeah, me too.” Gary pulled Jim into his arms and hugged Jim tight. “You’re too good for him. Hell, you’re too good for both of us.”

Jim shook his head and pulled away, resting his hand on Gary’s cheek. “Goodbye.”

“Bye,” Gary whispered and released Jim. He opened the door for him. “Maybe…maybe someday I’ll see you on a starship, huh? We might serve together at some point in the future.”

Jim smiled. “I’d really like that.”

“You’d probably be the captain though.”

“I’d like that even more,” Jim admitted which caused Gary to laugh. “Take care of yourself.”

Then he walked out and Gary closed the door behind him.

He walked fast. As fast as he could to get off the campus and head home. At the last tree that stood on the campus, he spotted Spock waiting. His heart in his throat, Jim hurried over to him. He stopped in front of Spock.

“You’re here.”

Spock’s brown eyes were soft and warm. “I suspected you might require some comforting after.”

Jim nodded, not trusting himself to speak, and he went into Spock’s arms.    


	20. Chapter 20

Jim was quiet as they left the campus and headed through the streets of San Francisco toward the apartment. It concerned Spock but he had no real experience in such matters. Growing up, it was true Jim had been given to indulge his emotions more than the Vulcans around him, but Spock had been aware that Jim had reserved a lot of himself to fit in better. It hadn’t occurred to him that such a thing might be harmful to Jim but it did now.

“Would you care to go walk by the ocean?” Spock asked.

Jim glanced at him, startled. “You don’t want to go back to the apartment?”

“Eventually, yes, but there is no rush.”

Jim searched Spock’s gaze. “I thought-thought you’d want to—”

Spock did not pretend to misunderstand. “I believe that we are both interested in taking our bond to the next level, however, there is no requirement that it has to happen today. I would enjoy merely spending time in your company.”

“Okay.”

They were quiet as they made their way toward the oceanfront area. Spock thought perhaps being away from crowded streets would be more conducive to having Jim open up to him. Talking about feelings was not something he was used to or comfortable with but he did wish to be a better mate for Jim.

“You are pensive,” Spock said when they made it to the ocean. Jim had walked over to a wooden pier. Spock took a moment to read the history of the pier—apparently it had been there for centuries, though damaged a few times over the years—then he moved up to walk on the pier to follow after Jim. There were a few people around but not enough that would prevent private conversations. They now stood at the end of the pier.

“Thinking about Gary,” Jim replied softly.

Spock stiffened. “I see.”

Jim glanced at Spock out of the corner of his eye. “I can see that you don’t.”

“Perhaps not,” Spock conceded. “But I am attempting to do so.”

“I was with Gary since…well almost since I arrived here. He was-he was my first.” Jim looked down into the water. “My only.”

Spock did not like to think of Jim with anyone else. He had no right to think that way and yet he did.

Jim sighed. “I was with him because I really liked him. I didn’t want to hurt him.”

“Do you regret ending your relationship?” Spock asked, forcing the question out reluctantly. He did not think he wanted to hear the answer.

“Yes and no. In order to be with you, because of the bond, it was unavoidable. To not end it at the earliest opportunity would have been unfair to him. But I do regret that it was necessary.”

“You would never have truly been happy with him when I am your mate,” Spock said quietly.

“I know. I don’t think I would have truly been happy with him even if we were not t’hy’la. I loved you regardless.”

Spock exhaled slowly. “Then you still wish to be my mate.”

Jim turned to him, his blue eyes soft. “I said I did.”

“Acknowledged. I wished to be certain you have not changed your mind.”

“I haven’t. I won’t. And you?”

“Never.”

Jim gave him a quizzical smile. “Spock, I’m sorry I hurt Gary, but I don’t want to be with him. Why would you think I might change my mind?”

It was Spock’s turn to turn to look out to sea. “I am aware I am not always easy to-to care for. I am incapable of giving you the open affection humans prefer.”

Jim laid his hand on Spock’s forearm. “How do you feel about me?”

“My regard for you is without equal,” Spock answered honestly.

“What more could I ask for then?”

“You could ask for more and I would attempt to accommodate you.”

“I wouldn’t ask you to be what you are not, Spock.”

Spock felt his throat close. “Jim? Were there times on Vulcan you were forced to repress yourself?”

Jim shrugged. “Sure. I wanted to fit in.”

“Even around me?”

Jim laughed a little. “Especially around you. When your parents first adopted me you didn’t like me at all. You didn’t understand why they would take in a human child. Don’t you remember?”

“Yes. I could not understand why I was not enough for them.”

“Yeah. I wanted so desperately for you to like me. A couple of times I cried myself to sleep because you seemed determined to hate me. Oh, I know.” Jim held up his hands. “Vulcans don’t hate. But you disliked me. And I couldn’t show you how much it hurt, not to your face, because then you’d dislike me more, so I waited until I was in bed to cry.”

Spock felt shame course through him. “I am sorry, ashayam.”

Jim smiled. “No, it’s all right. That was a long time ago.”

“It is not. I do not want to ever make you cry.”

Jim lightly ran his fingertips across Spock’s cheek. “It happens. I’m human.”

“And I will spend my life making it up to you,” Spock vowed.

“S'chn T'gai.” Jim shook his head. He held out his two fingers and Spock touched his to Jim’s.

Spock breathed out and felt calmness and affection flow through him. “You are a remarkable human, t’hy’la.”

Jim leaned toward him but he didn’t quite touch his lips to Spock’s. “Show me.”

“You are ready to go back to the apartment?”

Jim licked his lips. “Yes. I am ready to bind ourselves to only each other.”

“Parted from me and never parted. Never and always touching and touched,” Spock replied which earned him a soft smile.

And as they made their way off the pier and headed toward the apartment, Spock was filled with an excited anticipation he had difficulty suppressing even with all of his Vulcan control.


	21. Chapter 21

Spock’s shin hit the edge of the bed causing a loud bumping noise that seemed to reverberate in the apartment.

“Shh.” Jim laughed. He kissed Spock’s jaw. “Are you okay?”

“Perhaps we should have turned on the light.”

“We don’t want to wake the parents. We’re trying to be discreet,” Jim reminded Spock, even as he started yanking off his clothes.

“They will know tomorrow we are together.”

“Maybe, but do you really want them to know we’re having copious amounts of sex in here?”

Even in the shadowed bedroom Jim could make out the rise of Spock’s brow. “You are quite optimistic.”

Jim laughed again. “Well, yes. Clothes off, Spock.”

Jim shimmied out of the rest of his clothes, hardly daring to believe this was it. He and Spock were finally going to have sex. Him and Spock.

“No matter how many times you repeat it, it does not change the truth of it.”

“Wait, did I say it out loud?”

“Negative.”

Jim huffed and turned onto his stomach to crawl to his nightstand.

“What are you doing?”

“Getting the lubricant, of course.”

Spock’s hands closed around Jim’s ankles just as he grabbed the lube. Spock dragged him back down the bed toward the edge.

“Are you going to do that a lot?” Jim asked, breathlessly.

“Clarify.”

“Manhandle me.”

Spock seemed to consider it. “If required.” Spock knelt on the bed.

“You had better be naked,” Jim said.

“That is the intention, is it not?”

Laughter bubbled up in Jim again.

“You seem to have a lot of mirth over coitus.”

“It’s just…I’m happy.”

Spock lay beside Jim, and then hovered above him. Spock’s hands framed Jim’s face. “I am gratified.”

“Enough to kiss me?”

“To do everything.”

Jim smiled in the darkness. “That sounds promising.”

Spock’s lips found his in a soft, gentle kiss. “I am not your first.”

“No. I’m not your first either.”

“True,” Spock acknowledged.

“It bothers you?” Jim asked, as he leaned up to kiss Spock.

“It is illogical for it to bother me.”

“And yet?”

“And yet it does. There is little I can do about it, but I cannot deny my jealousy.”

“Yeah,” Jim whispered. “I feel the same. We have to forget what happened before, Spock, and focus on now. On us. Our future.”

“You are right, t’hy’la.”

“Enough talk. Make love to me.”

Spock’s lips covered his in a deep kiss, hard and searching. Spock’s long fingers threaded through Jim’s hair as he further deepened the kiss, his tongue probing past Jim’s parting lips. Jim heard a low sound, like a hum, and realized his stoic Vulcan was rumbling a little, almost like the purr of a cat.

Jim smoothed his hands down Spock’s muscular, sleek back. Once upon a time he’d imagined this exact thing and then Spock had married another. Jim hadn’t believed he would ever have this.

“I am yours,” Spock murmured against Jim’s lips.

The mind reading thing was going to take some getting used to. Jim knew about it. He shared their family link, but it wasn’t the same. Not really.

He felt the press of Spock’s erection against him which only ramped up his own arousal. Jim’s cock rose, hard and slick against Spock’s bare skin.

“Please.”

“Soon, ashaya,” Spock promised. “I will claim you and we will be one.”

His mouth trailed down Jim’s neck, sucking bruises across Jim’s throat. Jim dug his fingers into Spock’s back, moaning.

When Spock scooted down even further, Jim held his breath. A mouth closed over his nipple and Jim cried out. Spock teased it and worried it with his teeth until Jim writhed and begged Spock for more.

And then Spock’s lips and teeth trailed down Jim’s stomach, grazing across sensitized flesh, making Jim shake with need and desire.

“Spock, I, Spock, I—please.”

“Patience, my beautiful one. I wish to worship you.”

Lips pressed just under Jim’s stomach at the bend of his legs and Jim almost shot off the bed. Hot breath fanned across his pubic hair and then brushed over the length of his cock as Spock’s mouth stopped only an inch from the tip. Jim gulped in air.

Spock’s tongue swiped across the bead of pre-com on Jim’s cock. The stroke of that tongue, hot and soft, nearly made Jim cry in frustration. It was too much, it was not enough. He needed less, he needed more.

Spock’s mouth drew in the head of Jim’s cock, slowly, deliberately, sucking and licking as he pushed deeper into the hot Vulcan mouth. Jim’s fingers tore at the sheets as he was swallowing deep and thoroughly. Spock reared back once, choking a little, but he quickly adjusted and drew Jim back in his mouth.

When Spock’s fingers feathered across Jim’s balls, Jim really thought he might scream, and wouldn’t that send Sarek and Amanda into the room. He bit his lip hard, keeping the screams at bay, even as he felt like he was floating in the air.

He heard the slick of the lubricant bottle and then felt Spock insert two slicked fingers into Jim’s ass without ever stopping the onslaught of his mouth on Jim’s dick.

This time he could not prevent a keening cry from escaping, more of a whimper. Spock’s fingers sawed into him, stretching him, pushing ever deeper.

His cock jumped in Spock’s mouth, sliding in and out as Spock worked him in over and over. Jim could not hold back any longer.

“Spock, I’m gonna, I’m gonna—”

_Yes, ashaya._

Spock in his mind. And it was too much. The fingers thrusting inside him, his cock fucking Spock’s mouth. He came with a barely contained cry, pumping his seed between Spock’s wet, swollen lips.

Spock released his spent dick only a moment later with a wet pop. Fingers slid out from Jim’s ass and his legs were lifted around Spock’s waist. He watched through half-lidded eyes as Spock slicked his own large, hard cock and poised it at the entrance to Jim’s ass.

“Mine,” Spock growled as he pushed in, deep and thoroughly, imbedding himself within Jim. He thrust and rocked into Jim at a frantic, punishing pace, but Jim did not mind. He wanted it. Wanted Spock. Hard and harsh and anyway he could get him.

Spock lasted longer than Jim thought he would, riding him with a fierce possessiveness, but eventually he tensed above Jim, his gaze locking on Jim’s, full of love and lust, other emotions Jim could not have named.

Afterward, Spock collapsed next to Jim and drew him close, impossibly so, it was though their bodies were still connected, indeed one. Their minds swirling together, seeking out each other’s thoughts, emotions. Entangling.

“I love you,” Jim whispered, panting hot and wet against Spock’s throat.

“I love you, my Jim, my heart, my soul.”

Jim closed his eyes, content in the arms of his Vulcan.


	22. Chapter 22

Spock woke with his arms still wrapped around Jim. Jim’s blond head rested against Spock’s chest and Jim’s breathing was soft and even. For several moments Spock merely held him, watching the tiny flutters of Jim’s lashes, the rise and fall of his chest.

He felt unexpectedly content. Something that had eluded him with his time with Nyota. Spock had been wrong to marry her. He blamed himself for the failure of their union, for he had never given it the attention it had deserved. He’d always wondered what had been missing but he’d gone through it anyway. Now, of course, he knew. He’d always been meant to be with his t’hy’la.

After a while, Spock carefully extracted himself from the bed—their bed now—and paused when Jim murmured. He touched his fingers lightly to Jim’s forehead, bidding him to return to sleep. It was yet early and there was no reason for Jim to rise from his rest.

Spock pulled on his discarded clothes from last night and left the bedroom for his own. There he chose fresh clothes and went into the shower. When he emerged from his bedroom he noticed the light coming from under the room Father used as a study.

He hesitated only slightly. It was illogical to put off advising Father of his bond with Jim, and it was Spock’s duty to speak with Sa-mekh without subjecting Jim to it. Especially if Father expressed disapproval.

Spock tapped lightly on the door.

“Come.”

Father looked up when Spock stepped into the room. He nodded his greeting. “You may sit.”

Spock took the offered chair. “I presume Mother has had a chance to speak to you about myself and Jim.”

“She has.”

“May I have your thoughts?”

“Being bonded to a human has its challenges,” Father said carefully.

“You do not disapprove of Jim.”

Father shook his head. “Of course I do not. I raised him as my own son. But whatever and wherever his upbringing, James is human and requires the indulgences humans need to thrive.”

“I am prepared to offer those to Jim.”

“It is not so easy as you imagine,” Father stated.

“You speak of your own bond with Mother.”

Father inclined his head. “I do have the experience of a human mate.”

“And yours has been successful,” Spock pointed out.

“Indeed.”

“I have no doubt my own will also be successful.”

“You have a different kind of bond with James than I had with your mother. Yours was a spontaneous bond, rather than one decided upon by both parties, as was the one I have with your mother.”

“Our minds sought the other.”

“Still you initially rejected it in favor of your marriage with Nyota Uhura.”

“A diplomatic match to benefit both of our people,” Spock pointed out. “Though I had affection for Nyota, it was never the love I feel for Jim. And I had not recognized my bond with Jim.”

“And how does James feel about all of this?”

“He has wanted to be with me. He wished to stop the wedding.”

“That was before he came here to Earth, joined the Academy, and met Mr. Mitchell.”

“His feelings have not changed.”

“Perhaps not. I wish to speak with him.”

Spock stiffened. “You will not dissuade me from being with Jim.”

“You forget yourself, Sa-fu.”

“Jim is…k'hat'n'dlawa.”

Father nodded. “As it should be. If James is the same, I will offer no objection.”

****

When Spock came out of Father’s study he was only slightly surprised to see Jim sitting in the dining room with Mother. Their heads were together and they were whispering. In front of them was a pot of tea and a large basket of bread with jars of jam next to it.

“Good morning,” Spock said, approaching them. He offered his fingers to Jim, who met them with a smile.

Mother was beaming. “How was your talk with your father?”

“Appropriate. He wishes to speak with Jim.”

Jim gave him a quizzical smile. “Oh?”

Spock nodded. “I believe he wishes to ascertain that I am not taking advantage of you.”

Mother laughed. “That sounds like Sarek.”

Jim bit his lip. “Should I go now?”

“I believe the human expression is, no time like the present.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “Okay. Okay then.” He stood.

Spock stopped him with his fingertips on Jim’s jaw. “Taluhk nash-veh k'dular.”

“Ek’wak, S'chn T'gai,” Jim whispered, and then walked away.

Spock turned to a smiling Mother.

“Join me for tea?”

He took the seat Jim had recently occupied as Mother poured him tea.

“You two seem close.”

“We have always been close.”

“Closer,” she amended. “He is quite happy.”

“He told you this?”

“Yes. But I would have been able to tell even if he hadn’t.”

“The bond completed last night.”

“So there is no need to go before the priestess?” Mother asked.

“I do not believe so. But if Father advises that we do, Jim and I will go to be assessed by her.” He picked up his tea, met her gaze.

“What is it? You are anxious?”

“No,” he denied. “I merely wish to be with Jim while Father talks with him.”

She touched his hand gently. “All will be well. Jim loves you.”

Spock nodded. Of that, he was certain.

****

Sarek waited for Jim when he stepped into the room. “May I?” He held his hand toward Jim’s face.

Jim exhaled.

Sarek’s brows rose. “You fear me?”

Jim smiled. “Never, Sa-mekh.”

“Then what is your hesitation?”

“My mind is disordered.”

Sarek touched Jim’s face. “Nahp-hif-bi tu throks.”

Jim nodded and Sarek entered his mind.

Only a moment later, Sarek’s hand dropped from his face.

“Sa-mekh?”

“You are pleased with the bond.”

“Yes. You know of my affection for your son.”

“You are also my son.” Sarek studied him. “You have often felt an outsider.”

“No,” Jim denied.

“James,” Sarek said sternly. “You spoke thusly of this when first we brought you to our home. Remember?”

Jim‘s throat closed. “I thought you would prefer your real son.”

“And have I given you any reason since to suspect I do not view you as my real son also?”

“No. But others…yes.”

“Others do not matter. We are family.”

“What is your concern, Sa-mekh?”

“You are human, but you know what it is to be Vulcan, too. It is difficult to be the mate of a Vulcan. Do you know what will be expected of you?”

“I must help Spock to control his emotions. I know this.”

“Indeed. As he must also indulge yours. So that you may both thrive. But this is not what I speak of.”

Jim smiled a little. “You speak of Pon Farr.”

“Not a matter for amusement, my son.”

“And not something I take seriously, Sa-mekh. Spock will not hurt me.”

“Not with intention, I agree.”

“Not ever. All will be well.”

Sarek nodded. “Very well. You seem certain.”

“I am.”

“As was Spock.”

Jim smiled. “I know that too. There are advantages to the bond.”

Sarek arched his brow. “Indeed. Shall we join them for breakfast?”

Jim nodded.

They walked out of the study and over to the dining room. Both Amanda and Spock looked at them expectantly.

“All is well,” Sarek said. “When James has a break in his semester, we shall go to Vulcan as a family.”

Spock’s gaze met Jim’s. “As you wish, Sa-mekh.”

“That sounds lovely,” Amanda replied.

Jim went to stand by Spock who held out his fingers for him.

There were futures they'd need to speak of. Arrangements to be made for the rest of their lives. Jim would be in Starfleet, a Captain someday, and where Jim went, Spock would follow. There were no fireworks overhead, no big parties to announce they had found each other. They were Vulcans after all. But Jim was happy and that was all that mattered to Spock.

“Kashkau-wuhkuh eh teretuhr,” Spock whispered as their fingers met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Jim is…k'hat'n'dlawa.” Jim is 'half of my heart and soul in its deepest sense'  
> “Ek’wak,” Forever  
> “Nahp-hif-bi tu throks.” Your thoughts…give them to me  
> “Kashkau-wuhkuh eh teretuhr,” Our minds are joined…one and together
> 
> And that wraps up Somewhere Else. Thanks for reading.


End file.
